Different.

Chapter 19: Raw

Chapter 19

Raw

Holy. Shit.

My chest heaved with every gulp of air I took as I sat slumped, my head in my hands.

"He kissed me!" I hissed to myself. "And I...I kissed him back!"

Once I ran away from Alex, I ended up running into the tiny room that I'd been staying in since I left my house.

Some small part of me whispered in the back of my mind, "Don't lie to yourself. You liked it. No, you loved it. You'd do it again if you could."

"Shut up, shut up, shut UP!" I screeched aloud, yanking at my hair so hard my scalp burned in protest.

In all honesty, I wasn't sure why I was reacting the way I did. It wasn't as if kissing a boy (my first time with the experience nonetheless) was a bad thing. It was just that it was him. Alexander, Alex, Asshole, whatever he wanted me to call him now, it was all the same. And even if I hadn't realized it, I had begun to rely on our smart mouthed, sarcastic relationship as the only stable thing in my life.

It was him who had brought my abilities to my attention, him who I first met, him who brought me to Valerod, him who bickered and teased me like an older brother throughout everything.

Maybe we didn't always see eye to eye, but he was a constant in my life from the start of this whole escapade, and that kiss...that kiss had ruined everything.

Despite my protests, the little voice was right. I did enjoy it. Maybe more than I should have even. But that didn't change the fact that all it had done was throw my world into yet another whirlwind, and taken away the last solid and reliable thing I was finally realizing I had.

Maybe that was part of it, another voice in my head mumbled shyly. Maybe you saw him as your last foothold on reality and you saw him as someone you could be yourself around. Maybe that's why you were harboring feelings for him you wouldn't admit to yourself.

I groaned and flopped onto my face.

I don't know....I don't know! All I do know is that I'd kill to be the invisible, powerless, social outcast I was before. I thought with a grumble. That Kaylee never had to deal with this shit.

As I pulled my pillow over my head and smushed my face into my mattress in a comically stereotypical hormonal-teenage-girl fashion, a knock sounded at my door.

"Go away," I moaned through the fabric pressing against my lips.

I was in no mood for visitors, and in a way I figured I was doing whoever it was a favor. No one should've had to suffer through the story of my pathetic love life-slash-sob story.

The knocking was quiet for a moment, and I imagined my unwelcome guest was either wondering if they should leave or already doing so. I hoped it was the latter.

Their knuckles rasping against the hardwood again informed me it wasn't.

I gave them a chance to leave, now they better be ready to get their ass kicked for bothering me.

Yanking the door open, I growled irritably, "If no one is dying, you're about to be."

"Well I guess if that's true, my freedom will be short lived."

Standing in front of me, staring down at me with an amused glint in the warmth of his sky blue eyes, was Adam.

I was so surprised, I didn't even react for a good ten seconds.