Silence Breaking

44. First or Foremost

I glanced at myself in the mirror just once. It was bittersweet. I'd chosen the gown with hope in my heart. Now that there was only despair there, the sight hurt. But I had never been the sort to shy away from pain. Particularly not the kind for which I had only myself to blame. Straightening my spine, I stepped out of my room and started down the corridor. The sweet, discordant sound of musicians tuning their instruments drifted up the hallway towards me, and I let it lead me to my destination.

Lady Samantha was waiting at the entrance to the ballroom, officially greeting a few lady friends. When she looked up and saw me, her eyes widened slightly. I knew why, but I resisted the temptation to hug myself and hide as much of my dress from the world as I could. I would not be ashamed of myself or my choices.

'Hello, dear.' Lady Samantha's voice was softer even than usual. She reached out and grasped my hand. 'I'm so glad you came. You look...beautiful.'

Her eyes slid up and down, taking me and my dress in once again – but she said nothing more. In that moment, I loved the little old lady.

'Thank you.' If only your opinion were the one that really mattered. I gave her a sad smile. 'But not beautiful enough, I think.'

'Whatever do you mean, my dear?'

'Didn't you hear?' One corner of my mouth curled up in a sad little smile. 'He picked someone else for the first dance.'

The marchioness gave me an odd look. If I didn't know better, I'd almost say she was amused. But that couldn't be, surely.

'Um...why don't you go in, dear? The ball will start soon, and I am quite certain that you shouldn't miss a minute of it.'

With that strange statement, she gave me a gentle push towards the door. Shaking my head in confusion, I entered. What had all that been about?

The moment I stepped into the ballroom, Lady Samantha's odd behaviour was driven out of my mind. The place was magnificent. There was no other word for it. Magnificent. Hundreds upon hundreds of candles on majestic chandeliers illuminated the gigantic hall, casting it into a golden light that really wasn't even necessary, because the place was already golden. Golden and white and silver and every other pure and precious colour you could think of. Exquisite paintings covered the walls and ceiling where they weren't gilded, depicting gods and titans and ancient heroes. Images which should have clashed with the occasion – but somehow they didn't. Somehow, that mystical scenery of ages past dancing in the shadows created the perfect contrast to the giant tree rising in the middle of the room, in the centre of the light.

The tree he had put there.

The thought was like a dagger through my heart. Except that a dagger would have ended all of this. The blasted thought just hurt like hell. Damn!

But if I was still alive, at least that meant I would still get a look at her. My curiosity was stronger even than my desire to crawl away into a corner and die.

Quickly, I let my gaze drift around the room – but he wasn't here yet. And if he wasn't, she wouldn't be either. Ladies almost always entered the ballroom on the arm of their escort – if they had one. And whoever this girl was, she would most certainly be walking in on the arm of Mr Rikkard Ambrose. None would be stupid enough to miss that chance. Quickly, I let my gaze slide over the faces of the ladies who were already here. I spotted Lady Caroline, Lady Dorothea and Lady Eveline and felt a surge of satisfaction.

So...they're here without him tonight, are they?

My satisfaction disappeared abruptly when I remembered that so was I.