For Your Eyes Only

25

"Is everything okay?"

I look over at her and my eyes drop to see a Three Musketeer bar in her hand. She notices me eyeing it and instantly clams up. She quickly stuffs it into her sweatshirt and runs her tongue over her teeth. The sight is one of a chipmunk dodging a wild cat during prawl hour.

Months ago, I would have snatched it away and told her to run it off until she pukes it up. I frown, remembering how she pointed this out not too many weeks ago.

She notices my cross looks and mistakes it as I'm about to lay into her. Paige squares her shoulders and prepares herself.

"It would be better if I had some chocolate in my system." I motion down at her sweatshirt and hold my hand out.

Slowly, she reaches for the chocolate bar and places it in my hand as if this was a trick. Her eyes watch me cautiously as I peel the wrapper down and take a bite. 

I close my eyes while I chew and swallow. "Thanks." I hand it back to her. "I really needed that."

She stands there unmoving, her eyes blinking over and over again as if she is on repeat. "No problem, Captain."

I lift the whistle to my lips and blow it once. This causes all the girls to jump like it usually does. Normally, I couldn't stop the malicious smile from forming at the sight but not this time. I hold back rolling my eyes. "Let's get started."

Stunt after stunt, we go through cheers, some for friday night and some to get down from the State Cheer Competition. Our Stunt coach, Gretchen, the old cheer Captain from the eighties has yet to show up but I didn't want to stay here all night waiting for her.

We are in the middle of perfecting our last lift when another senior's voice creeps through the pack of bodies. "Look at those freak over there."

All eyes, including my own, flicker to the pack of boys who happen to be Trent and Gavin, along with a few others, passing cards around a circle at a park table. They are laughing and high fiving each other as they collect coins from the center of the table.

I smile to myself at how much fun they seem to be having.

"God," Lilian, a girl who always paints my face for me on friday nights, adds, her black hair glinting in the late afternoon sun. "I pity people like that. What losers."

"I don't know," I say, having a hard time looking away from Nate's friends. "They look like they're having fun to me."

A few girls scoff and it takes everything in me not to whip around and go evil canival on them.

"Oh, please, Kelly." This comes from Mariah who tightens her grip on Paige's foot. "Are you so high and righteous that you can't laugh along anymore? You used to have a field day making fun of weirdos like that."

Mariah's words cut me deep. Gavin and Trent look so carefree as they played with their cards. The rest of the boys gathered around the table did too and that is what really struck me. They were all happy for one another even when they were losing.

It finally dawns on me like the sun rises in the east and sets in the west as I watch everyone around me. There's them, laughing and enjoying the moment as they did something they enjoyed. And then there's them, snickering and belittle those who like different things then them. And then there's me. The one who just didn't give a shit anymore that things had to be so black and white.

"You're right," I say and take a deep breath. "And that's why I quit."

"You what?" Paige questions at the top of the pyramid. Her eyes grow big as I remove myself from the huddle. The bases steady her until she is placed swiftly on the ground.