Crash

Chapter 9

Lise

"Andrew." I said trying to get his grip off my waist. "You're not ok.." He said trying to look for my eyes. "I can't do this." I said breaking down. "What's wrong Lise?" He said handling my face and drying my tears. "I don't know how to keep going Andrew. I feel so exhausted." I said uncontrollably crying. "Come here, come here." He pulled me in and hugged me. I sobbed and sobbed. I felt weak and vulnerable doing this in front of him. I hated it, I hated crying and opening up to people. It's so hard for me, it's almost impossible to tell someone face to face how I feel or what I'm going through. I feel stupid and helpless. He picked me up and sat down on the couch. He worked his fingers through my hair and rubbed my back. "Please tell me what can I do. What's wrong." He said worried. "It's so hard for me to open up Andrew." I said with my head hiding in his warm chest. "I'm not here to judge you, or leave you nor hurt you Lise." That made me cry even harder. Not because of the sweetness, but because I'm genuinely terrified of any man hurting me, hitting me, forcing me to do something I don't want to do. "I'm here Lise, I love you." I sighed letting more tears out. "Depression still tries to come back into my life Andrew, it's not part of me anymore but it comes and tries to consume me. I try to be strong and ignore it but sometimes it's too much. This thoughts. I'm afraid, I'm afraid of my future. Of whoever I'm with will hurt me, will make me do things I don't want to do. Will hurt me just like men hurt my mum. I can't take that off my head Andrew. I don't know how to keep going some day. I get so overwhelmed, I'm sorry." He stayed in silence. I knew he was thinking. Sinking in everything I said. I could feel his hurt and sadness. Not because I hurt him but because I was hurting. "Baby please look at me." He said. I shook my head. "I can't." I said in denial. "Yes you can. I know you can do this." He gently lift me up and sat me on his lap facing him. He stared into my eyes. Tears were slowly sliding down my cheeks, slight sobs making my body move. He handled my cheek. And looked down, when he looked up and I saw tears in his eyes. "No no, why are you crying?" I said grabbing his face. "You feel like I'm going to hurt you?" He asked clearly concerned. I stayed silence. A few minutes passed, pure, knife-like cutting silence passed. "I'm sorry." I said looking down. "I wish I could trust you with my life, and I do, yet it's still hard Andrew. I- I love you, I love you so much. But people have hurt me before, mentally, physically, emotionally. Even I've hurt myself. But I promise you I'm trying, and I'm trusting God in all of this. I guess today is just one of those days. I'm really sorry Andrew. I don't know how to tell you how sorry I am." He just stared at me, listening to every word I was saying, paying attention to every expression my face made. I stopped talking and looked at him. He looked away "Please say something.." I said with a lump in my throat. Looking for his blue eyes. He looked at me. "I'm never going to hurt you, not if I'm mentally stable. I will never hurt you Lise. I wish I could do something to make you trust me; but I know I gain with time. And I'm willing to wait my entire lifetime if it's necessary. I love you so much, you have no idea Lise.." He said staring deep into my brown eyes. I felt like he saw my whole life and feelings in that moment; but this time. I didn't dare to look away. I let him stare into my eyes. Something I don't let anyone do. Ever. We just stared at each other. He caressed my cheek and I slightly smiled. And he did too. "I love your smile." He said smiling. I leaned in and I think that for the first time I was the one to make the move and kiss him. It was a soft, caring kiss full of emotion. He grabbed the back of my head to keep me from parting. I smiled on top of his lips. "You are beautiful." He said hugging me. I kissed him one more time and rested my head on his shoulder. I kissed his shoulder and laid my head on it. "I'm sorry for everything Andrew." I said without looking at him. "You're perfect for me Lise. All your flaws make you who you are and I love them as much as I love you.. you don't have to be sorry for how you feel, your feelings count and are so important. Thank you for trying and talking to me." I just nodded and said "thank you." We stayed there hugging for a few minutes. "I don't want to do anything." I said cuddling closer to Andrew. "What do you mean?" He said tightening his grip around me. "I just want to sleep. I'm so exhausted Andrew. But I have to go to the hospital." Silence took over us. "Give me a kiss." He said. I giggled. "No." "Whatttt" he said dramatically dragging the t. "Come on" he said with a pleading voice. "Fine." I looked up to him and he leaned in and kissed me. We kissed for about two minutes. "I love kissing you." He said. I blushed and looked down. "Jajaja babe you're blushing." "Ay stop Andreww" I said standing up and walking towards the kitchen. "No come here please."

"I have to eat hun, my sugar is going low." He stood up and walked towards me in the kitchen. "Are you ok?" I nodded in response. "hey." He said pulling me by my arm. making me turn around. "I want to make you feel better." He said. I looked down, my thoughts were honestly all over the place. They were consuming me and I couldn't stop them. "I don't know what to do to feel better.. I just pray. I'll be ok, don't worry." He just looked down in defeat. "You should go Andrew," I said making myself some tea. "Why?" He asked. "I just want to be alone." He shook his head. "Don't push me away, please Lise." I sighed trying not to cry. "Andrew I don't want to hurt you, I don't want to overwhelm you or make you feel helpless because sometimes I just have to give it time.. I love you and I don't want you to hurt because of me Andrew." I said starting to sob. "No Lise, I'm not going anywhere. I'm here to help you and be close to you when you need me to be here. You can't isolate yourself. Please don't push me away." I ignored what he said, "Do you want some tea?" He sighed "Yes, sure."

I made tea for the both of us and walked towards the dining room and sat down. He sat in front of me and I smiled. "Why are you smiling?" He asked. "Because you know I need to be able to look at the person when I talk to them and I found it nice of you." He simply smiled. "Are you mad at me?" I asked. "No babe." He said looking at me. "You promise?" I asked. "I promise." He said. "Then what is it?" I asked again. "Nothing babe. I just hate seeing you like this." He said looking at me. My phone rang and I got up to answer it. "Excuse me," I said. I grabbed my phone and it was Mason. "Hey Lise, I'm going to stay the night, Vianca's mum came during the day so I could rest so you can stay in your house. I'll let you know if I need anything. Thank you for everything." He explained "Oh ok, no problem Mason. How is she doing?" He sighed. "She is still unconscious, but we are praying." He said clearly sad. "She'll be ok in no time, don't stress Mas. Keep me updated, bye." I said. "Bye Lise and will do." He hung up and I placed my phone down. I walked back to the dining room and did not see Andrew, I heard water sound coming from the kitchen, I walked towards the kitchen and saw him cleaning the dishes. "Hey," I said getting close to him and hugging him from behind. I rested my head on his back and inhaled his aroma. "Mason called me and told me I don't have to go to the hospital anymore, Vianca's mother went and stayed during the day so he could go home and rest," I explained. He did not say anything so I walked next to him and saw him smiling. "What are you smiling about?" I said slightly pushing him. "Nothing, I'm just glad I get to spend a bit of time with you." He said drying his hands and turning to me, he walked closer to me and my stomach felt full of butterflies. I smiled when he was close enough to grab my hands and pull me closer to him. As I moved closer to him he laid his hand on my right cheek, he caressed my cheek. "I love you so much, Lise.." He said looking at my face, he studied the details of my face. I smiled and went on my tip toes to reach for his face. I wrapped my arms around his neck and played with his hair. He smiled waiting for me to kiss him. I slowly leaned in and kissed him. I loved the taste of his lips, his kisses so genuine and real. Everything felt like a dream after a crash. "I will never get enough of you Andrew." I told him while I slowly kissed him back.