WoF OC Reviews

Pinniped

Excellent traits. The overly honest bit is quite overused, I'll admit, but it works well with her character so I'll let it slide.

Family: (Her family members are mostly plot device characters, so they don't have descriptions)

That's okay. Descriptions aren't required; they're just preferred.

Lumi, mother (3rd circle)

Is this a word? I'm not sure this is a word...

Aspen, father (3rd circle)

Okay.

Floe, younger sister (4th circle, dragonet rankings)

Good name. As for the dragonet rankings, there's no such thing as dragonet rankings. They're all paired up together. Floe would be, like, sixth or seventh circle, depending on her age.

Topaz, older brother (2nd circle)

Again, good name.

Blanche, uncle (4th circle)

Good name.

Garnet, aunt (4th circle)

Aren't garnets... red? Er...

Iclyn, little cousin (4th circle, dragonet rankings)

Okay, I know for sure THAT's not a word. And again, with the dragonet rankings.

the general IceWing mentality of them being 'the best tribe,' she thought for herself and decided that wasn't how she felt. She couldn't understand why the IceWings would be better than any other tribe, and she pointed out flaws in its rules often. When she was very little, she wondered why all the tribe members looked the same, and why there weren't any dragons of other colors. As she got older and learned what tribes were, as well as the war, she became fascinated with the idea of a multi-tribe place where nobody had to fight. The rest of the IceWing tribe, however, disapproved very much of her ideas from the start. Her parents tried to teach it out of her, and when all else failed, she became a target for bullying and exclusion. Pin tried not to care and continued to grow with a mindset of equality. It was when she began to advocate in the tribe for MudWing, SeaWing, and SkyWing rights (they were being killed without real reasons in the war because they were IceWing enemies)

Everything else is pretty much okay, but this part doesn't make sense. If I was a queen of a tribe and I was in a war and managed to imprison soldiers of an enemy, I would totally kill them so my enemy has fewer soldiers to kill my own soldiers. This is a lot less "they're not being treated more equally" and more like "they're enemies that are being killed because they're enemies". I would kill my enemies, I don't really understand this.

Maybe they're being unnecessarily tortured and that's why she's supporting MudWing SeaWing and SkyWing rights?

that her parents grew tired of a reasonable approach. They told her that being different was unacceptable, that nobody would like her the way she was and proceeded to take away any joys she had. Pin decided that she had to stifle herself to get by without punishment, at least until she was an adult. She became quiet and reserved, refusing to speak to anyone unless necessary except for Iclyn (her little cousin) because he was too little to deserve her hatred.

This makes sense, keep this. This is a realistic reaction.

Pin stewed in silence for a long time, only finding comfort in sculpting. Eventually, she became a different dragon, one who was a quiet shell on the outside and boiling with bitterness on the inside. She couldn't live like this forever, though, and she had to let out her anger somehow. On a particularly bad day anger-wise, she got into a fight with her parents and they decided to freeze and shatter all of her art supplies.