Almost, But Not Quite (COMPLETED)

Chapter 35

My hands were shaking as I listened to his every word.

"Joey..."

I stood there, waiting for his next word. Sobrang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko habang hinihintay siya. Pinikit ko iyong mga mata ko kasi sumisikip iyong dibdib ko sa bawat salita na lumalabas sa bibig niya.

"Joey..." he said, as my mouth went agape upon the realization that he's near. I opened my eyes and saw him in front of me. Mas lalong sumikip iyong dibdib ko.

"Joey, if you're giving him a chance, can you give me a chance, too? I promise I won't waste it. I promise I—"

"Psalm," I said, cutting him off. But even before I could say a word, his jaw clenched as if he was restraining himself. For a moment, he closed his eyes as if he was having a hard time deciding.

"Joey, please," hirap na hirap na sabi niya. "Please don't make me beg for a chance... because I will."

Napaawang iyong labi ko sa sinabi niya.

"I will beg for that. I will beg for you. I will beg that you let me be with you because the thought of you with someone else is killing me. I don't care if I sound selfish right now but I only want you with me. I hate seeing you with someone else. I hate someone else making you smile. I hate you looking at someone else. Gusto ko ako lang."

I bit my lower lip as I stared at him. He looked at me, too. Pareho kaming nakakulong sa tingin ng isa't-isa habang hinihintay na may magsalita muli.

"Psalm..." I said, giving in. I hated seeing him like this. I hate us being like this.

It used to be so easy.

We used to be so easy.

"Paano... paano kapag hindi nagwork out? I don't want to lose you like I did with Steele. Psalm, when I lost Steele as a friend, I hated it.... Pero ikaw? I don't even want to think about it."

Psalm took a step forward. My heart lunged.

"Why do you keep thinking about us not working out?"

"Because it's a possibility."

"It's one of the possibility, Joey. Didn't you also think that it's possible that we'd work out? That we'd be happy? Didn't you think about that?"

"Psalm—"

"I know you're scared, but I'm scared, too, Joey. The only difference is that I'm willing to gamble if it means a chance to be with you."

"Paano nga kapag hindi nagwork?"

"We'll cross the bridge when we get there," he said then took another step forward. My chest tightened at the proximity. He's so near. "Joey, I'd rather take the risks now than to regret the uncertainty of what ifs if I don't try now."

Inangat ko iyong tingin ko sa kanya. Kitang-kita ko kung gaano siya ka-seryoso sa mga sinasabi niya ngayon.

"We'd be happy together, Joey..." he said.

"Psalm..." banggit ko sa pangalan niya dahil hindi ko alam ang gagawin. Gusto ko, pero natatakot ako. Natatakot ako kasi paano kapag hindi? Natatakot ako na mawala siya sa 'kin. Natatakot ako na sumubok.

"Take a risk with me?"

I bit my lower lip. "Okay," I conceded.

Napaawang iyong labi niya. "Okay?" parang hindi makapaniwala niyang tanong.

Tumango ako.

* * *

I said okay but I knew that Psalm felt the uncertainty in my voice... and the fear. Because I was really scared of what this would bring us. I was scared of a lot of things, but most of all losing him. I knew seeing him with someone else was killing me, but the thought of not seeing him would be too much to bear. I didn't know which was worse, but I did know that I did not want him gone from my life.