Getting Through Italy

|21| Spaghetti

Conversation over Christmas Lunch turned to plans for New Year's Eve. Jess and Alex had planned to throw a party and, following their break-up, Jess was more determined than ever to go ahead with it.

"But Alex won't be there?" Mum asked.

I shook my head as I finished my mouthful of turkey. "No. She wants to carry on as normal, rather than changing plans just because of him."

"Sensible," Mum said with a nod. "And she's better being around friends on New Year's Eve anyway to keep her mind off him."

"Such a shame," my dad chipped in. "He was a nice lad."

"Just wasn't meant to be," I said.

Jess had been putting on a brave face recently, but the subject of Alex was banned. I knew she wanted to move on, but I worried that by not talking about him, she risked bottling up unexpressed emotions which would then explode.

When Nathan offered to help clear up after dinner, I excused myself upstairs to call her. It would be the first Christmas in years that she hadn't spent with Alex, and that was bound to be playing on her mind.

Despite that, she answered the phone with a cheery sing-song voice that left me wondering whether I should even ask about Alex at all.

"I don't even think the presents are my favourite part of Christmas," she was saying to me. "It's definitely the food."

"Urgh, agreed," I replied, reclining on the bed and running a hand over my stomach. "I'm nursing a serious food baby."

"As long as this isn't your subtle way of saying that you're pregnant with a real baby..."

I snorted. "God, can you imagine?"

"I don't know... you and Nate have been having a lot of serious make-up sex recently..."

"How would you know how much sex we're having?"

"I wouldn't. But I can imagine you're having a lot."

"Well, for the avoidance of doubt, I am definitely not pregnant."

Her laugh faded away and I nibbled on my lip, wondering whether to mention Alex. I didn't want to upset her on Christmas Day, and I knew she'd appreciate me being there even if we didn't talk about it, but I also hated the thought of her suffering in silence.

"I'm honestly so relieved that you both worked it out," she said.

"Yeah, but I'm not naïve enough to think that the next two-thirds of my year abroad are going to run without hitches."

"That doesn't matter, though. You've overcome a huge obstacle. It's made you stronger. You can take on anything."

"Let's hope so."

When she fell quiet again, I rolled onto my side and allowed my eyes to drift over the few photos that remained blu-tacked to my old bedroom wall. Some I'd transferred to frames and moved to mine and Nathan's flat, but it was nice keeping the rest of the memories in this room. It always reminded me of school and growing up, as well as being a statement of how much I'd changed over the years. I barely recognised the girl I was four years ago, before Nathan and I started dating.

"I really miss him," Jess said, her voice soft on the other end of the phone.

I tore my gaze away from a photo of a group of us at Thorpe Park, arms around each other. It had been the first time that Jess had brought Alex along; Matt—my ex—and Katrina, who was an old friend, had known of Alex and seen him around at school, but our trip to the theme park had been our first opportunity to properly chat to him and spend time together.

Alex wasn't in the photo—he'd been the person holding the camera. I almost smiled as I remembered Jess checking the picture and then asking him to take it again, at least three times, until she was happy with it.

"Of course you do," I said to her. "It would be weird if you didn't, especially at this time of year."

She sighed. "Some days it feels easier, and then others hit me just as hard as the day we broke up."

"Are you speaking to him at all?"

"No. Part of me thought he might wish me a Happy Christmas, but maybe it's good that he hasn't. No point really, is there?"

My heart ached for her. No matter how good the reason for breaking up with someone, that doesn't affect how you feel being apart from them. In Jess' case, she'd lost a person who'd been a big part of her life for several years. Deep down, she knew the relationship needed to end, but that didn't help to close the gaping hole that Alex had left in her life.

"I love you," I told her.

What else was there to say? Jess wouldn't want me to feel sorry for her. She wouldn't want to be pitied. Even talking about him and her feelings wouldn't ease the pain. She was a practical, rational person, and I knew she just wanted someone there for her.

"I love you, too," she replied. "And I'm actually really looking forward to this New Year's Eve party."

I considered asking about Jack, but then decided against the timing. Bringing him into a conversation about her heartbreak over Alex did not seem tactful in the slightest.

"Me, too. I can't wait," I said instead.

In the background, I heard someone call Jess' name, and she sighed down the phone.

"Sorry, Izzy. I've got to go. Time for our annual game of Monopoly."

I laughed and sat up in bed, smoothing down the duvet. "You better run before someone else steals the horse counter."

"Nobody would dare..."

"See you next week."

"You too. Enjoy the rest of the day and promise you won't feel sorry for me."

I smiled. "I promise."

"And if you do end up feeling sorry for me, go and have more of that make-up sex with Nathan. You two have such a special thing going and you need to hold on to that."

"Okay, but if I tell Nathan that I want to have sex with him because I'm thinking of you, that might raise some tricky questions."

She laughed, and the sound of her genuine amusement brought a smile to my own face. Jess was one of the kindest people I knew. No matter how much she suffered with her own love life, she still found it easy to be happy for those whose relationships were thriving. I even struggled seeing couples together when apart from Nathan in Italy, despite us still being in a relationship.

"You never know. He might like it and suggest you spice things up in the bedroom. I'm a single girl now and he's hot."

"I'm glad you've not lost your sense of humour," I said dryly. "Unfortunately for you, I won't be sharing him."

She laughed again, but it was cut off by another yell from her end of the phone. "Sorry, really got to go now. Speak soon. Love you."

"Love you too."

I cancelled the call and looked back over at the photos on the wall. So many memories. None of us were the same people we were back then. Half the people in that photo didn't even talk to each other anymore. It was concrete proof of how much can change in just a matter of years.

Jess was truly special, and I knew the next few years for her would be just as special.

When I returned to my family downstairs, Nathan was showing Mum something on his phone and Dad was flicking through channels on the TV.

"Anyone fancy a game of Monopoly?" I asked.  

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