I will try to fix you (Andley)

Chapter four

I grabbed my phone, a few seconds later, James Bunt his voice sounded though the peers in my ears.

Beautiful dawn, lights up the shore for me

There is nothing else in the world

I’d rather wake up and see (with you)

Beautiful dawn, I’m just chasing time again

Thought I would die a lonely man, in endless night

You see, Andy doesn’t like me at all. It’s just like in my dream; he doesn’t care about me. But then; he came this night to me because I had a nightmare. But yeah, maybe that was just because he woke up from my (probably annoying) screaming. And he wanted to sleep, so he came here to shut me up. But then; he ‘kissed’ me good night. But maybe that was just to give me a ‘safe’ feeling, so I wouldn’t wake up screaming again.

But now I’m high, running wild among, all the stars above

Sometimes it’s hard to believe you remember me

Fuck my life. I broke down again, I tried to keep it quiet, but that didn’t work for long apparently because CC came to my bunk. He opened the little curtain and sat down next to me at my bed. “Hey Ash, what’s going on buddy?” he asked and wrapped his arm around me. “N-Nothing” I sobbed “I’m fine”

“But Ashley, you’re crying, that means you’re not okay, you can tell me everything buddy, I’m here to listen, I’m here for you. And if you don’t wanna tell me, that’s okay, you can tell Jake or Jinxx or Andy” he softly said. By hearing Andy’s name I broke down again and hugged CC tight. He hugged me back. “I-It’s not that I don’t wanna tell, I just can’t” I whispered. CC nodded understandingly. “It’s okay buddy, don’t be upset about it… if you can’t tell, it’s okay for me, I’m not going to let you say things you won’t. I’ll wait until you’re ready for it” he gave me a warm smile and rubbed his hand at my back, comforting me. I let my head rest on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. It was calm and steady. It comforted me and I came to my senses again.

“I-I’m sorry” I whispered. “Why would you be sorry?” CC replied.

“Because I’m crying like a five year old boy now?” “Don’t worry about that Ashley, we all have our moments that we just break down and can do nothing else than cry, I also have them” he assured me.

Yeah, but CC always knows how to act happy. I mean, he’s such a great guy; he’s always nice to his fans, he’s a hell of a drummer, and he’s a real ladies man. And then you see me; I break down when I feel like shit, I’m not always nice to my fans, and I’m just a stupid bass player, and yeah, than about the ladies. Yeah, fucking hell I fucked a lot of girls, but I had once a real relationship. I’m not romantic and I’m ugly. I’m too fat and I’m just worthless.

About the relationship; that one was with Kina. The day I first met her I totally fell in love with her; we started messing around and it ended with sex in the bathroom of the nightclub where I met her. That was before I met Andy. Though the guys know Kina. They met her because I was still in a relation with her the first time I joined Black Veil Brides. Quick after we broke up. I didn’t matter though, I fell in love with Andy. The guys really hate Kina. All I hear them say is; skank, whore, slut etc. things like that. I mean, they’re right, but at the other side; Kina can be a really sweet woman.

“You know ash, sometimes I wish I would know what you’re thinking about. There are so many times you just get in a trance and then you don’t pay attention to anything in the world, you’re sunk in your thoughts… that’s so weird sometimes” CC said. “My mind would terrify you” I replied, a slight smile creeping on my lips. I’m serious. I think that if CC could see my thoughts at first he would be terrified because of the fact that I’m gay. Not that CC has something against gay people, but just the fact that I am gay. I’m always the playboy ladies man in the band. Well I’ve always been but actually I never was. Confusing. Well, and then the thoughts about my past about what happened to me and my family.

“Ashley” I snapped out of my trance again “You’re doing it again” CC laughed. “Sorry” I said as I got red. “Never mind buddy” CC smiled to me. “Hey guys” Jinxx called us. “Yeah?” CC shouted back. “We’re in Vegas” Jinxx words made CC’s eyes shining. I laughed. “What?” “You should have seen your eyes when Jinxx said we’re in Vegas” I grinned. CC has such a funny head. I smiled to myself.

CC and I got out of my bunk. I felt a bit better now. We both sat down at the soft chair. The chair is so big there can sit two full grown men at it. It’s almost a couch, but yet it isn’t. Complicated. “I made a playlist for tonight’s show” Andy started “It’s now umm…”  he picked up his phone and read the time “right now it’s 03.00 PM, that means four hours to go until the show.”

“What are we playing?” Jinxx asked happily. He loves performing. We all do, but he’s always so happy. It’s such a great thing to see. Also he’s happy because he has a beautiful girlfriend, Sammi Doll, they are perfect together. They’re so sweet. There was one time they did a photo shoot and it was so cute when Jinxx kissed her. And we were just all like ‘aaahw’.

“Do you agree with that too Ash?” Jake asked. “Huh what?” I snapped out of my trance. “Are you okay buddy?” Jinxx asked concerned. “What yeah I’m fine” I said, faking a smile.

Andy reached me the paper with our playlist on it. I read it.

-          Die for you

-          Rebel love song

-          Rebel yell

-          [break]

-          Love isn’t always fair

What? Seriously Andy. All LOVE SONGS. Well, they’re rock n roll love songs, but still. It’s all about love. “Andy, are you in love?” Jake asked suddenly. “Maybe” he answered. I know enough. Andy is in love, I know for sure. “Andy, tell us. Who is it?” CC asked surprised. “Nobody” Andy answered. “Awh please tell us” Jake begged. “Nobody, it’s a friend of Danny” “Danny from Asking?” Jinxx asked. Andy nodded. Well fuck. If that girl knows that Andy likes her, then there’s no chance for me anymore. Fuck it.

I swallowed hard. I felt like crying. “Ashley, I can see in your eyes you’re not okay. Tell me, what’s wrong?” Jinxx asked me. “Nothing” I said, tears begun to roll down my cheeks now. I stood up and walked quickly to my bunk. Jake came after me.