Dear No One (Girlxgirl)(Lesbian Story)(EDITIING)

But Falling Has Always Been My Downfall

At this point, I didn't know how to feel. Everything was different from how it was when I had started letters to the writer.

I was in love with someone. But the funny thing about it I probably had been in love with her the entire time but when you don't listen to your heart and your head instead, well it was easy to lie to yourself.

Being honest was the best thing that I had ever done.

With Caroline, things had been fun and at other times quite exhilarating. It was fun feeling like you liked someone. All the butterflies, the attuned focus to the person, and the sweaty palms was all fun but it was not love. Oh how far it was from love.

Now that I had finally let myself just be in love with Dylan it was just all-consuming. I was in love with her but at the same time, I loved her. The difference being everything beyond just being near her or the surface attraction to her, and boy was there attraction. She motivated me to care more about myself through a lens that wasn't my fathers or anyone else but my own. This entire time she was the legs that I didn't know were holding me.

It was stupid to think that I could have ever just wanted the hugs and the hand holding when being with someone could be so much more than that.

After I let myself love her, Dylan let herself love me, there wasn't a shyness or a carefulness like I was breakable, it was all unyielding. Though at times, I could really feel her pulling away or doubting the validity of our relationship. The validity of us.

I was okay with that though because I knew how I felt about her and sometimes I knew how she felt about me.

The writer, however, was another story entirely. After my last letter, a week or so went by and there was nothing. I checked all the time because I was craving to know what their response would be. The notebook was gone but it had yet to return.

I was extremely curious to know what their take would be on knowing that I felt things for them. Though not as strong as what I felt for Dylan, I don't think anything could compare to that, they were still there. I thought about how the writer made me feel on and off, and sometimes I thumbed the very wilted yellow rose that I had left on my nightstand, but other than that I tried not to think of them too much.

From the way that Dylan always put so much space between us before, it was so hard for us to do that now. Especially now that I knew what it was like to kiss her. She tried to put distance between us but most of the time I weighed her down.

Dylan told me that she was going to cook some food for us so we could hang out and do her favorite thing, watch a movie. We even started to go skating together on and off, which was very fun but also tiring. I honestly didn't care what we did as long as I got to hang out with her.

When I got to her house, I tossed my things onto the couch like I always do. I could hear the faint thrums of Derek's music coming from upstairs as well as the clanks of pots and pans within the kitchen. Derek and Dylan's parents decided that since Dylan would be making dinner then it would be date night for them as well.

When I walked into the kitchen, Dylan was focused on her task at hand so elected to stand behind her back. Dylan was a few inches taller than me so I had to step on my tiptoes to get a peek at what she was cooking.

"Seriously? I thought you said you were cooking me dinner?"

"What? Grilled cheese is dinner." I rolled my eyes, sitting in one of the bar stools next to us.

"When you said come over I'll make dinner, I thought you were going to get all fancy." Dylan laughed, with a very cute dimpled grin.

"Do you forget that this is me we are talking about? "