Renée

II Chapter Six II { Everything Hurts }

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Chapter Three.

His face reminds me of all my dark times I lived through, he always there to bring me back.

I thought he was gone for good- I thought I would never see him again.

-But he's here, right in front of me. Whispering that everything will be alright.

I burry my head in his chest and let the tears flow out, all the times that I held back my tears waiting for him to ask me where it hurts so he could kiss it better.

"Princess, where does hurt?" He says in the silence as my tears soak his shirt.

"Everywhere, Gabe, fucking everywhere!" He picks me up bridal style and gets into a comfortable position on my bed.

Gabe presses his back against the headboard as I straddled his lap, my face was still buried in his chest. Gabe kiss' the crown of my head and keeps whispering that all would be okay.

"Gabe, where did you go?" I said after what felt like ages, my throat was husky like as I speak.

"Don't worry about it right now, Sapph. I'm here right now, and I'm not going anywhere." I give a small nod and press my forehead against his shoulder.

"Sapph, here take this and go to sleep," Gabe says.

He hands me two yellow pills that take away the suffering for a little bit, I grab the water bottle from my nightstand and throw the pills in my mouth and gulp them down.

"Good night, Baby girl. Don't worry I'll be right here when you wake up." He whispers in my ear as he lays me down on the bed, Gabe pulls me closer and I was pulled into a dreamless sleep.

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I woke up with a pounding headache... and a body next to me? I began panicking, and then the memories from last night came rushing back with full force.

Meeting.

Company.

Party.

Damian.

Levi.

Pain.

Memories.

Nightmares.

Gabe.

Safe.

"Good morning, Sapph." Says a groggy voice, I look up at Gabe and gave him my best smile that I could.

"Morning, Gabe," I says, I get out of his arms and got ready for school.

"I'm going to head home and change! I'll see you at school, Sapph! Love you!" Gabe shouts from the other side of the bathroom door.

I shouted an, "I love you" back to him before hopping in the shower. The warm water relaxed my tense muscles. I begin punching the marble wall until the deadly scarlet red covers it- The pain won't stop. And because of it, I'm always on edge. I can't get away from it, no matter how many times I try to be happy something has to happen, and that something is never good.

And I collapse, my knees give out, and my sobs become louder and louder with every living moment. My heart begins to drop, and the dark void takes over my thoughts all over again.

I have this feeling in me, this darkness that I can't seem to get rid of. It's just there, and it kills me because no one seems to understand what the hell I'm going through.

I turn the water off and grabbed my robe, my hands and legs are shaking, but I made it to my closet.

I opened up the doors to 12 feet wide and 14 feet tall closet, all my shoes, clothes, jewellery, and more types of things that I don't know about.

I went to the jewellery section of my closet and grabbed the earing box with my blade inside. I had this blade since I was nine years old- I only cut once when I was nine but stopped until I was ten years old.

Sad.

I know...

I begin walking out of the closet and sit down crisscross on the window seat.

It face the backyard and look at the imaginary stars that were missing when my life flipped sideways.

Those stars should've saved me; they should've saved Theo. 'Cause the stars kept us going, they kept up us at night; I fell in love with him under the stars.

I lift up my selves and let the blade do its magic.

And I begin thinking.

Thoughts are the thing make the cuts thicker, and I release the pain that way.

I'm so broken.

It's has become so prominent. I'm emotionally destroyed, and there's nothing to do except watch me fall apart. Each day it gets worse nothing ever gets better.

I'm so alone in this world that it's starting to get to me. I always have to remind myself that it's my fault for destroying everything in my life.

It's all My fault.

There's no one to blame but myself.

It's so hard, 'cause no one knows the real me. No none knows what I have to deal with every fucking day. No one wants to know anything about me.

They think I'm the tough, strong, rich-bitch. But it's all in the act.

It's another lie.

People always tell me to "get over it" but how I will get over something so dark-

-So, tormenting?

I'll never get over the bullying and words they said to me. I don't think I'll ever forget the pain I'm in and I think I always am in.

I will never forget the day I was in so much deep pain that I had to grab a razor and glide it across my wrist so that I could get the pain that I deserved.

I won't forget the nights I cried myself to sleep wishing for my parents to come in and hold me, I hoped that they protected me from the world; I hoped that they would keep me from the evil that lurks every coroner in my mind.

If they stayed, maybe, just fucking maybe I wouldn't be this fucked up.

Maybe I would've been strong, and perhaps I could love...

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I paint a pretty picture,

But the story has a twist,

My paintbrush is a razor--

--And my canvas is my wrist,

I pain my pretty picture---

--In a colour that's blood red.

While using my sharp pain brush.

I finally end up dead.

My pretty pictures fading--

-- Quite slowly on my arms.

The blood is not racing through me,

I can no longer harm.

I painted my pretty picture.

But my picture had a twist.

You see, in my mind was the razor.

And my heart was my wrist.