Please Don't Try and Turn On the Lights

17. Do Me a Favour

Alex turned his head as if in slow motion. His lips were slightly parted and I saw that he had grown his hair longer. He was no longer wearing his signature leather jacket but was actually in a suit. He looked like a 50's heart throb. He scanned the table where we were all sitting until his eyes finally found mine and stayed there. I could feel my heart racing 200 miles per hour as we kept our gaze on each other. Apart from him closing the distance between his parted lips, he kept his face straight until he turned back around and continued his conversation with the girl next to him.

Nick had come back with a round of beers for everyone and I emptied mine in one swift moment.

I didn't know what exactly I had expected, but in my mind, I would always be Alex' top priority. Not some girl he was chatting up in a bar somewhere in London.

I tried to follow Jamie and Matt's conversation but my eyes were glued to the back of Alex' head - not really sure if I wanted to talk to him or not. I started fidgeting with the label on my beer bottle and had soon ripped it all to shreds.

He sat with her for at least 6 songs before he, as if on cue, emptied the glass he was clutching when the 7th song started playing. I recognised it as Sultans of Swing by Dire Straits. Alex stood up and the girl next to him, who was facing me, looked disappointed when he turned around and left her alone at the bar.

When he slowly started approaching our table, hips swaying lightly, I started to panic. I had no idea where to look.

Suddenly, he stood before us and the entire table went quiet.

"Hey," he said, looking straight at me with a bored expression.

"Hi," I croaked. Angry at myself for not being able to keep my composure. I could feel myself open and close my mouth several time as if I wanted to say somethig. The words just never came.

He went to the inner pocket of his jacket and pulled out a pack of smokes. He lifted an eyebrow at me and I took that as an invitation to join him outside the pub.

-

"So," he said, dragging the word out as he exhaled some smoke, "how've you been?"

"Alright, I guess. And you?"

He shrugged, "Can't complain."

I nodded. I didn't know what to say.

"You cut your hair," he said.

I automatically ran my hand through my hair, "Yeah.. You didn't"

He chuckled, "Naah. Can't decide if I like it or not," he said and took another drag of the cigarette.

"Me neither," I said and smiled a little.

"That's honest," he said as he blew smoke out of his nose. He licked his lips, "I'm glad you're doing well, Rhea. You look very nice"

I could feel my face heating up, "thank you," I just said. I felt like a prize idiot.

He laughed at my clear discomfort.

"Didn't expect to see you tonight," he then finally said.

"I didn't expect to see you either. I had no idea you were here with the others when Jamie texted me."

"Aaah! That's why you're here," he said and shot me a sad smile, "they've been trying to get me to call you ever since you left."

I was quiet for a few seconds before I managed to croak "Why didn't you?"

His gaze shot to me in a quick motion, "Well, I didn't think you wanted me to," he licked his lips again, "did you?"

"I'm not sure," I said.

He nodded and took the last drag of the cigarette he was holding between his thumb and his index finger, "That's fair." He threw the cigarette on the ground and ground his heel on it, "want to go inside again?" he asked me, hand already on the door knob.

"I missed you," I suddenly said, unable to stop myself.

Alex turned around slowly, and took his hand off the door knob. I couldn't quite read his facial expression until he finally spoke, "I missed you too.."

My heart was aching. I had thought that most of the heartache I had had the last months was due to the fact that I had missed Matt, Jamie, Nick, and Miles. That I had missed all the guys equally. But now I could feel it was Alex. It was all Alex.

"I'm sorry," I croaked.

"You're sorry? I'm the one who didn't treat you well and you're apologising to me?"

"I'm sorry," I repeated, "for leaving you like that"

"Yeah...I'm sorry about that too. The rest of the blame is on me though."

I nodded, glad that he at least accepted that, "Are you still...?" I was unable to finish the sentence.

"Naaah," he said, "Haven't done that shit since Coachella."

"So you were speaking the truth that night?"

"Yeah, yeah I was. Well, almost anyway.."

"Almost?"

"Well, this is a bit embarrassing but I had kept some just in case of...I don't know what. I never should have, though. We might have been together right now if I hadn't."

I nodded and shrugged, "yeah, maybe."

We stood there, awkwardly for a while.

"Alex, can I ask you something?"

"Anything, really"

"That song..Do Me a Favour..Is it about....about us?"

Alex snorted, "I was wondering when I would hear from you about that."

"I like it. But I'm not sure how to interpret it."

"Me neither," he smiled, "guess we'll just have to suck it and see, yeah?"

-

Alex and I were sitting at opposite ends of the table, unable to have a private conversation. I wanted nothing more than to talk to him alone right now. But he seemed absorbed in some story Nick was telling him, laughing and making small faces matching the gestures Nick was making with his hands.

I hadn't seen the guys for two whole months and yet I had nothing to say to them. I didn't know what to do or say and I felt at unease - just because of Alex' presence.

He must have felt that I had my eyes upon him, because all of a sudden, he gazed up at me and gave me a small wink. I completely melted.