Please Don't Try and Turn On the Lights

16. Home Again

2 months later

Ugh, it was raining again. It was mid-June and it was raining cats and dogs. I missed my sunny California days as I walked down Shaftesbury Avenue, clutching my umbrella, trying to avoid the big puddles forming on the sidewalk.

Since I had returned home from my "big adventure" I had done quite well for myself - I had landed an alright job at the university, analysing the data they had obtained in different chemical experiments. It wasn't really my dream job but it kept me fed and it made sure that I had a roof over my head. Best part was that I could work from home...and that had really been necessary over the past few months! I had been miserable. I hadn't wanted to leave my apartment at all and I hadn't really spent that much time with friends and family. I had walked around alone, thriving in my Alex-craving somber for weeks until I had decided that I had had enough. I had bought some nice clothes that I felt powerful in, had gotten a haircut, and had started to feel much better about myself. I hadn't wasted any energy thinking of him (or, I had tried not to anyway..)

I had spoken a lot to Jamie the first week or two but when they had started recording new songs, our contact had started to fade. He was probably busy making ends meet. And I knew that Katie had flown out to L.A to visit him.

I turned up Regent Street, happy to see that the Starbucks I sometimes frequented was almost empty. I ordered a frappuccino and waited for the girl behind the counter to hand it to me. They were playing some shitty song over the radio.

"It's the beginning of the end
The car went up the hill and disappeared around the bend
Ask anyone, they'll tell you that
It's these times that it tends
To start to breaking up, to start to fall apart
Hold on to your heart"

I froze. I recognised that voice. I didn't recognise the song. They hadn't played it at Coachella.

"Do me a favour and break my nose
And do me a favor, and tell me to go away
Oh, do me a favor and stop asking questions
Well she walked away while her shoes were untied
And the eyes were all red
You could see that we'd cried
And I watched, and I waited till she was inside
Forcing a smile and waving goodbye"

Untied shoes. Red-rimmed eyes.....It was clearly about our last night together. He had turned it into a song and I didn't know how to interpret the lyrics. Was he mad at me for leaving?

I left without the frappuccino. I had to get out of there.

On my way home, my mind was everywhere. How was I supposed to interpret that stupid song? The first thing I did when I came home was to open up youtube and type in 'Arctic Monkeys. To my delight, I quickly found the song and I started listening to it on repeat, trying to interpret it. His voice was exactly how I remembered and it hurt everytime he formed a sentence. What bothered me most about the song, however, wasn't the song per se. It was how quickly I had forgotten how far I had come in the last few weeks. Suddenly, I found myself thinking about him all the time again.

I spent the next few days huddled up in my small apartment listening to "Do Me a Favour" until I decided that I didn't want to guess what Alex had meant with that song. I wanted to know.One night, as I was lying in bed, I pulled out my phone, determined to find out.

Sent at 10.04 p.m. to Jamie Cook:
Heard your new song on the radio.

I was nervously awaiting a response from Jamie but I had to bite my nails for hours.

Received at 00.04 a.m. from Jamie Cook:
Rhea!
We're back in London - are you up?

I hadn't been able to sleep so when I finally heard the wonderful buzz from my phone, my heart was racing and it didn't take me long to reply.

Sent at 00.04 a.m. to Jamie Cook:
Yeah, I'm up!

Received at 00.12 a.m. from Jamie Cook:
I'm at Shakespeare's Head in Westminister.
The others are here too.

Sent at 00.12 a.m. to Jamie Cook:
Alex there?

Received at 00.27 a.m. from Jamie Cook:
Don't know where he is at right now.

Sent at 00.29 a.m. to Jamie Cook:
I'll be there in 20.

I quickly got dressed and applied some subtle make up before I ran out the door. I was so excited to see the guys again. I hopped on my bicycle and went as fast as I could. When I pulled up outside Shakespeare's Head, I was out of breath and I was sweating uncontrollably. I locked my bike to a pole and hurried inside, looking for familiar faces.

I almost shrieked as my gaze landed upon Jamie's always-flushed face. As he noticed me, his face turned into a lopsided grin, "Well, if it isn't the little Scouser!" he called to me with a wave.

I hugged him tighter than I ever had before, "I missed you SO, SO much!" I exclaimed, almost tearing up. I only just now realised how lonely I had been ever since I returned home.

"And you Matt!" I said, hugging him just as tightly as I had hugged Jamie.

Nick and I had never really had much to to with each other, but I even pulled him in for a long and tight embrace. I could feel him getting uncomfortable.

Jamie cleared his throat, "Rhea, this is Katie," he said and gestured to a beautiful blonde sitting next to him. I recognised her from a sign in the lingerie shop I had passed everyday to university.

"Nice to meet you," she said and held out her small hand, "Jamie - well all of the guys, really - have told me so much about you."

"I feel like I know you personally too," I laughed and looked to Jamie who was staring at Katie, very much in love.

"Yeah, and...Uhm. Rhea, this is Breana," Matt said gesturing to the brunette sitting beside hum, "I'm sure you remember her."

"How could I forget," I laughed, "nice to see you again, Breana."

"Yeah, you too," she said and returned my smile, "just visiting Matt here," she said, half-laughing.

"I can't believe you're all here!" I exclaimed. I was having a hard time controlling my wide smile.

Nick laughed, "sit down, Rhea. I'll grab you a beer."

I sat down in Nicks old seat, and followed him with my eyes as he talked to the bartender.

"We've been back...what? 4 days?" Jamie asked Katie who nodded excitedly, "sorry we didn't call you Rhea - we've been busy acclimating."

"Don't mention it - I could imagine tha-" my eye had caught a head with gelled-up jet-black hair. The words got stuck in my throat as I realised it hadn't been an illusion. He was there too. I couldn't tear my gaze away from him as he was clearly flirting with a girl sitting next to him at the bar. He hadn't seen me yet.

"Ah! About that.." Jamie said as he realised who I had seen. But I cut him off.

"I'm going to kill you," I whispered, only half-angry. It was so nice to see Alex again - even if it only was the back of his head, "You lied to me!" I continued.

"Technically not lying!" Jamie held up his index finger matter-of-factly, "I actually didn't know where he was when I texted you. I mean, I knew he was at the bar somewhere."

"You're an ass, Jamie Cook," I said through gritted teeth. Eyes still attached to the back of Alex' head.

"I told you it wasn't a good idea," Katie whispered as she put her hand on Jamie's shoulder.

I didn't have time to prepare myself for the inevitable. Before I could do anything, Nick had tapped Alex on the shoulder and was pointing his finger in my direction.