Her (Episode 1/3)

tuesday, august 1

SELENA, THE MIRROR image of Mom, storms into the house, squealing. Her russet ponytail sways side to side as she stomps joyfully into the family room. I'm just reading John Green on my Kindle, Ma is crocheting, and Dad is drinking tea by Francene who's stacking LEGO bricks. "He proposed!" cries Selena and my heart flutters.

Mom raises a waxed brow. "Who?"

"Ajay!"

Dad nearly spits out his orange pekoe. "But I thought you two broke things off last month?"

Selena bounces up and down on the heels of her sandals. "No - well - he kept calling and texting, and finally, when I gave in and went to see him, he professed his unending love. He said he knows I am the one, and that he wants us to be together forever."

Dad knits his heavy brows. "He didn't ask me permission."

"Oh, papa!" Selena waves him off dismissively, lifting up the hand wearing the chunky diamond ring. It twinkles in the soft light of the family room. I'm happy for her, but it feels as though my heart and stomach has just fallen to the soles of my feet. As filled with joy as she is, I know I will never get a chance to feel that way.

"Well, at least it looks like the guy took some time to save up for that," says father, giving in.

"It was actually his grandmother's, but yeah!" chirrups Selena.

"Oh, my God," says mom, standing. "Baby! I'm so proud and happy for you! Ajay's such a sweet boy. I was so worried you two wouldn't patch things up. But see, fate always works things out."

Yeah... I think sarcastically. Fate... Mom charges at Selena, gripping her into a big hug. They kiss each other on the cheek and Dad crosses to the wine cabinet, bends, and pulls out a champagne.

A delighted flush crosses over Selena's cheekbones as she holds up her flute. I decline and just watch them celebrate loudly, biting my fingernails morosely.

Someone else seems to have reached her limit—a plastic brick zips through the air as Franny throws a fit. Extremely sensitive to sounds, she gets like this when there is too much going on around her. But now it is her turn to start up a racket. She screams at the top of her lungs, springs from her crossed-leg position, and stomps her feet.

Dad places his flute down on the granite bar. He frowns. "That's enough, Francene. You know better than that."

I coax her with a smile, taking her aside into the powder room to brush her hair. This usually calms her, but as I stroke her sunny mane, I admit to myself that the motive behind this was to soothe me, too. My heart still races though, as I think Wow, Selena, my little sister is getting married.

***

Turns out Ajay's parents have everything planned. Back in the family room, once I've placed Franny down for a nap, I overhear mom on the telephone, agreeing to support Ajay's mother's penny-pinching wedding idea that would be held just two weeks from now. Only immediate families will be invited and two of the bride and groom's favorite cousins and friends.

***

I'm impressed as it all comes together under two thousand dollars, though my heart throbs with jealousy. Ajay''s mother had managed to snatch a fitting dress Selena loved from a pawn shop. I took care of collecting flowers for the tables and bouquet. I found them walking over the fields of the local farmers, crickets chirping in my ears. They are lovely daisies—I don't quite recall who claimed the flowers as their fav first, me or Becky?

Anyway, Ajay's mother also has a school principal friend lending her a—and this will sound ghetto—gymnasium for the venue. And just to prove she's even more of a cheapskate, she makes everyone bring food and drinks to share amongst each other and also got her license to officiate the marriage last minute online.

We are not halfway through the ceremony when Francene begins to throw a tantrum. The reception begins and she's crying and has her face screwed up in all the pictures. I don't partake in the photography, except to take a few snaps myself. My palms are awfully sweaty and my thoughts race. I have a mind to call a taxi and get the hell out of the gymnasium. But looking at the bundles of lovely daisies I've placed together, particularly the one beside my half-eaten plate of steamed lemon chicken, reduces my anxiety. "Becky," I sigh, taking one from the stem. I sniff.

I have on my prosthetics, but as long lost relatives and past acquaintances come up to greet me, I am overwhelmed and it doesn't take long before the daisies' soothing effect loses its potency. Again I am thinking I must get out of this place. I observe Selena with her coiled bridal updo and the lovely white lace dress she's pinched in with its cute sweetheart neckline. I shouldn't be feeling envious. I mentally slap myself for that. But it is hard not to. She's beaming so hard it looks painful and I wish it was me. I want to go home. I need to go home.

As if Franny knows how I'm feeling, she digs her entire fist into the decadent three-tier cake, ruining its perfectly molded fondant. Selena loses it, crying.

Dad freaks, too, demanding that I take Franny home. "Okay," I say too quickly. "I'll go with her. It has been lovely." I stand, rush to the bridal table, kiss my sister goodbye, and wish her all the best on her motel honeymoon. Hopefully, they at least have room service and bedbugs aren't a problem.

I grab Franny and pull her by the wrist out of the venue. She doesn't even notice as she's too busy stuffing her face with moist red velvet and cream cheese icing. On our drive home, she's licking and sucking her fingers and I am thankful because I don't need her driving me nuts right now. Maybe another day.

It is half past eight and almost her bedtime, so once inside Elise I give her her night medications. She's docile as I bathe her. Right after I tuck her in for the day, I am in bed myself. But I toss and turn for hours, thinking, thinking. And when I finally drop asleep I am still thinking about him.

Jax.