Welcome to Hell, How May I Help You? {Watty Awards 2012}

True pain

True pain. Nothing like what I've seen before. It hurt, but I could just put on a smile and get through it. People said we wouldn't last long. It had almost been a month, and we were closer than ever. I know whoever saw our messages to each other would think we'd be done fast. My friends were skeptical, to say the least.

"You can't actually see yourself marrying this guy, can you?"

"No but I can't see myself breaking up with him either."

"Myra, seriously!"

"Seriously."

I took my time at home that night. I couldn't stop thinking about him. He made me laugh when I didn't want to even smile. He was so sweet to me. He made me feel like I was special, like I was finally good enough. My insecurity bothered him, but he was so kind and understanding. He knew what it meant to me, even the small things. As time passed it grew harder and harder to ignore it. I felt like I didn't deserve him. He assured me that no matter what, he would still love me. I still tried to keep away from my insecurities because I didn't want to burden him with them.

One time, I told him that I didn't know what I did to deserve him. He said the sweetest thing to me. He told me "You exist. That's what you did." He was changing me to be a happier person. It was nice. We saw each other once a week. That almost changed. My mom was going to give me a ride to his house one afternoon, but she took a nap and then didn't want to drive me, so I stayed home. I was so upset! I wanted to cry. It hurt, knowing that I would have to wait who knows how much longer to see him. I managed to get a ride to his house a few days later. We watched some shows, a movie, and played cards. Well, he tried to teach me how to play, I sat there confused wondering what the heck I was doing. Needless to say I lost. It was so nice being with him.

I woke up the next morning with a pain in my chest. I thought nothing of my pain, thinking I just slept in an awkward position. It wouldn't go away. It was easy to see what it was at that point. It had been a day, only a day. It already felt like too long. It already hurt. I wasn't sure if everything would work out, but I hoped that later that week did work out.

Well, it did. A simple pool party. It was so much fun. I had a great time just being myself. It was so nice to be able to act like a kid again, laughing and splashing people in the pool. I loved knowing who I was and being accepted for it. It was a first for me. Yet somehow I was still afraid. I had a phobia of getting close to people for a while (which was caused by my mother) and decided to tell him. He was so kind, saying that he'd find a way to help me. I couldn't help but feel like I upset him, and it made me sad. I just let it run its course and that was that. What was I going to do now? I just went to sleep.