Welcome to Hell, How May I Help You? {Watty Awards 2012}

Un día malo

     Spanish class. I never really liked Spanish, I just wanted to go to college. I waited for final exams for underclassmen to start. Then I wouldn't have to deal with the people in my class. None of them gave anyone any respect. What was the big deal? I could see into so many things... it could be scary.

     I hated working in groups. I always got stuck with the kids that only wanted all the answers and that's it. Then there was Jacob and Phil. They never left me alone. They would constantly try to do something. I was constantly trying to stay away from them. They tried to make it sound like I was obsessed with them or something. They started twisting my words so that they seemed like the nice guys who were just trying to give me a boyfriend. The way they spoke to me in class though, it disgusted me. I actually got really sick from it. I wanted to throw up. And I still had half the school day left. I lied to them, saying I had a boyfriend. I panicked, and I still feel really bad about how I used someone's name to try and get them to leave me alone. What's worse, they didn't.

     I had felt their intentions. I knew that all they wanted was my body. I never thought of myself as a very good looking girl, and If anything, a bit funny looking. I had big eyes and was often pouting or frowning while in public. I often smiled when I spoke to my friends in private or when I talked with people online. I wore big glasses and had ghost white skin. The only thing I really had going for me was my figure. My sister tried to get my mom to let me try out to be a model. But, once again, my mother said I wasn't good enough. It didn't matter. I was regaining my abilities ever since I stopped taking the pill, and that made things better. I was finally able to feel others emotions and true intentions. I guess that's what got me out of the situation with Jacob and Phil. It all came back fast. I almost lost it then and there. I had to leave, or else I would lose it. I left the group. The teacher didn't even care when they started yelling at me.

     They wouldn't leave me alone. I started to panic, knowing what they wanted. I learned that Phil had abused his last girlfriend. He had actually had the audacity to hit her and make her think it was her fault. I wanted to hurt him, but that wouldn't work. I like my virginity the way it was - intact. He had too many friends that would do anything they wanted to even a mildly attractive girl. That scared me. Having two target me was bad enough, but knowing they always had at least one more waiting, I was terrified. I told someone I knew, a friend of a friend, on Facebook. I was almost in tears as I told him. I was that scared. I didn't seem it, but I was. I told another friend a few days later, hoping to completely get it off my chest. It helped, but I'd have to wait for Monday morning. I had to wait for the day of reckoning.

     I just spent the weekend home alone. It didn't matter, I was used to being alone. My parents were out with my little brother. I was home alone, which meant I would be bored all weekend. I had no reason to be scared, I just liked the quiet. I'd stay up late on any normal day, just because of insomnia. I would talk to friends online and usually get yelled at, which was nothing new. I began to leave my mind, and travel that way. I had a little world, believe it or not, where no one was out to get me, where I was safe. (No! No abuse!! Myra is not being abused!) I longed for that world...

I longed so much for that world...