WoF OC Reviews

Princess Mischievous

What's her build like, though? Accessories? Princesses usually wear jewelry. You're missing lots of detail here, buddy.

Personality: She is secretly nice and pretends to be mean around her mother.

Why?

She can be stubborn sometimes but usually is nice and can get angry when her friends are hurt or she is seen as weak.

The only thing I got from that is that she's nice, sometimes stubborn and can get angry.

You can describe me like that.

You can describe yourself like that.

You can describe my friend like that.

You can describe your neighbor like that.

You can describe that guy over there like that.

You can describe your dad's grandparent's friends' friends like that.

The point I'm trying to make here is: A LOT of people are like that. Her personality is unoriginal, and very bland in general.

Also, you know your OC is bad when your OC's abilities list is longer than your OC's personality.

Family: Queen Evil (Mother Dead) King Run/Takeaway (Father Dead) Prince Knockout (Brother whereabouts unknown)

Maybe name her mother something else. Prince Knockout and King Run is ok I suppose.

Residence: Unknown after the massacre (read the backstory)

Um... Okay, but YOU as the author know her location. Just because nobody else does in your universe doesn't mean YOU don't.

Mate: In seen futures Prince Kindness but currently N/A

Ah... no.

Crush: Prince Kindness (An Ice/Rainwing Mixwing)

Huh

(Currently 7 and was 6 when the backstory was taking place)

Mk

Backstory: Was raised by her mother alone after her brother ran away and her father "Disappeared" (Mother was forced to kill him due to insanity)

Which side was insane? If her mother killed him because HE went insane, then great! Perfect! All you have to do is explain how he went insane.

If her mother killed him because SHE was insane, then no. Please don't.

she DID have some time with him though he thought her to be nice and she was very attached to him.

Haha, someone named Evil is nice.

Evil hired many trainers to make her stronger and they worked. She went to school as war was still going on between two of the sides of Mixwings, the Positives and Negatives (Mischevious is part of Negatives) she still goes to school and has two friends, Bloodclaw and Secrethearer.

Oh, she's strong, too. Lovely.

So there are two sides of the MixWings, the positives and the negatives. Okay, I'm going to be very direct: A villain doesn't know they're a villain. A villain believes they're in the right. Even if the negatives aren't the villains, they would think they're being painted in a bad light, being called the "Negatives". This feels very black and white here. So, change the name.

Speaking of names, I like the name Secrethearer, and I hate the name Bloodclaw. Do you have any idea how many NightWing OCs I've seen with the name blood-?!? Also, for the record, it doesn't really make sense. A NightWing's name usually describes the dragon, in one way or another. How does Bloodclaw fit into there?