why do you only call me when you're high? //kth

3• well?

The pain felt managable right now, it was luring in the back of my heart but what overpowered it was the strong feeling of numbness. I knew the pain would find its way back to me in the morning once I had sobered up but right now, it felt like the shattered pieces of my broken heart couldn't cut me because a blanket of warmth, provided by all the vodka I had chugged down, was covering them.

"We're almost here" Taehyung's deep voice buzzed for what felt like the hundreth time. I wouldn't mind if we just kept driving into the night. At this point, what was I doing anyway?

Out of nowhere, James' yelling found its way back into my head, his hands squeezing that girl's ass and his lips on her neck. I dug my long nails into my arm, trying to distract myself.

"Hanna?" I felt a touch on my bare thigh so my head turned to face him.

"Hm?" I pressed my lips together, tired eyes meeting his.

"You coming?" he raised an eyebrow. The car had come to a stop without me noticing. I nodded, crushing the small voice in my head, silencing it once and for all. Being the nice girl had gotten me nowhere, maybe shutting her up for a while was the right thing to do.

Taehyung opened the car door for me and as soon as my shoes touched the pavement I shook them off my feet. Walking in uncomfortable shoes was hard enough as it was, walking in them when drunk, however, could only end in a disaster and I was not intending on getting another part of my body broken tonight. My heart had been enough.

I clung to Taehyung's side, letting him walk me to his door, fumble with the keys. My eyes darted back around to look at the moon. A little blurry maybe but it was still there, of course it was. I couldn't say why but it felt like some sort of reassurance, like things were going to be okay.

In a way I still felt like I was the one cheating. I shouldn't have let Taehyung kiss me back in Sammy's room. I shouldn't have kissed him back. What a fucking hypocrite. But what did it matter now?

I was no longer someone else's. These were just my own choices now and the only person having to suffer the consequences would be myself.

So it didn't matter that I tried to tell myself again and again that this was a dumb idea, my hammered head wouldn't listen, my body was still leaning into the tall boy whose touch felt so good and eyes held so much appeal. Silver hair shining in the moon light, he almost looked like he was part of it.

I wanted to trust him. How could someone with such a pretty, dimpled smile and whose mouth turned into a boxy shape when he laughed, have it in them to break someone's heart? Then again, James had a pretty smile too and my heart felt pretty damn broken right now.

After a while Taehyung finally managed to unlock the door, not one second did I question why it was taking him so long. I didn't notice how red his eyes were or that the drunk sway of his walk matched mine. I didn't notice his breath that still strongly smelt of booze or how he was talking a bit louder than he really needed to.

I was too focused on trying to control my own drunkenness that I hadn't paid any attention to what state he was in. What I did notice, was that he was holding my hand again and how long his fingers were. He guided me straight towards his bedroom. I wondered whether he still lived with his parents. The house seemed too big for one person. I realized I had no idea how old he was. For all I knew he could be in college.