So darling, just you shut your pretty mouth [jalex]

But right now, I don't think, I don't think that I'm okay

As it is okay

But right now, I don't think, I don't think that I'm okay

I hate Spanish. I don't care about learning a new language, I don't particularly want to listen to Miss Kelly ramble on in a language I don't care about. I don't want to copy words down that I don't understand because we had a incompetent teacher for two years. I can say hello and that's it. Miss Kelly said something in Spanish and I blinked a few times in confusion when I realised she was talking to me. I don't get why language teachers like to insist on only speaking the language they are teaching when none of us understand it well enough to be even semi fluent.

"What?" I ask.

"I asked you to read out the 5th homework question." She said and I looked over to Jack's paper, "Without looking at Jack's."

"Okay."

"Or Rian or Zack's." I roll my eyes and just shrug leaning back on my chair, she knows I didn't do the homework, she knows I never do the homework, this is just being done to annoy me, "Alex can you read it out please?"

"You know I ain't done it." Why is this bitch testing me today, "You know I never do so why do you ask me every single week?"

"Why haven't you done the homework?" Miss Kelly completely ignited my question, I want to know why the fuck she keeps asking me and then how to stop her, it's getting annoying now and she keeps trying me, "Well why?"

"Cause' I didn't."

"Detention." She said hitting her ruler on the desk most likely in an attempt to make me pay proper attention, "For a week unless you decide to tell me why you find it necessary to not do my homework. I don't set you a lot yet you still show up to my lesson empty handed every week, I don't expect you to do it every week because you do nothing anyone asks but once or twice would be nice."

"Wow." I laugh, "Do you really want to know why I don't do your homework?"

"Alex." Jack warns but I ignore him, I don't care anymore.

"The reason I don't do your shitty homework is because I spend most of my free time wanting to fucking kill myself." I snap.

"Alex stop talking." This time Rian was trying to stop me doing stupid things, I'm done though, what's the point anymore.

"The times I'm not laying around thinking of all the ways I want to kill myself I choose to actually do something with my friends or my boyfriend because they make me happy." I knew the whole class was shocked into silence, never did they expect me to be hiding something so big, everyone probably just thought I was a asshole incapable of human emotions but now their whole idea of me is changed, "And I'm not happy a lot so I'm going to live in them moments before I die. When I kill my self me not doing your shitty homework isn't going to matter. None of this is going to matter so I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want to do."

"Alex you have to stop." I feel a hand on my arm, it was Zack,"Alex come on before you do anything else stupid."

"She asked."

"We're going out for a bit." Zack said leading me out of the room, Jack and Rian followed behind me.

"Are you okay kitten." Jack asked and I shook my head just as he wrapped his arms around me, "Don't worry Alex. You're going to be fine."

"I fucked up." I sniff, "Now everyone knows everything."

"They don't know everything kitten." Jack reassured, "They don't know a lot of things all they know is you're depressed and suicidal. They don't know anything else."

"I fucked up."

"Don't worry Alex." I look up from Jack's shoulder, Rian and Zack look worried for me, Zack didn't know what to say and Rian looked like he was thinking hard before he carried on talking, "Everyone will be too scared to say anything to you anyway. The fact you're depressed don't change the fact you're one scary mother fucker."

"The reason I'm like that is so nobody suspected anything."

"Boys what are you doing out here?" Mr Gunning asked, he must be on hall check today.

"Alex had a meltdown and ended up telling everyone he was depressed." Zack answered for me after I attempted to and just sobbed.

"Everyone come to my office." Mr Gunning said, "I don't think you would want to be out here when lessons switch over."

"Thank you." I choke still in Jack's arms.

We follow Mr Gunning to his office. Jack was holding my hand and Rian had a reassuring hand in my shoulder. Zack was walking in front of us but behind Mr Gunning, he kept looking back every few seconds to make sure that I was okay. I wasn't okay. I ruined everything that I'm worked for, I built up walls to keep myself safe before destroying them of my own accord. I worked hard to create a reputation so that nobody would mess with me but now everyone's going to know about the thing I tried to hide, the reason I played the character in the first place. Years of work down the drain.

"Kitten you're going to be fine don't worry." Jack wiped my tears with the hand that wasn't in mine, "Nobody's going to think that your not fucking terrifying just because you have a mental illness. They don't even know most of it, all they know is your depressed and suicidal."

I don't respond to Jack because I can't form words. I don't mean to but every time I tray to speak a shaky sob or cough comes out instead. Jack knows I'm not actually ignoring him but he doesn't keep on.

We walk down the corridor to Gunning's office where I can get some privacy just as the door to one of the counsellors office. To my surprise it wasn't someone who I would hate to see me cry but instead Vic, sure I wouldn't want him to see my cry but it's not actually the worse thing in the world.

"Alex?" Vic looked surprised, "What's up?"

I attempt to talk but it's in vain, Zack instead answers for me, "We will talk you tonight but you would probably hear the story before then."

"Well I hope everything isn't too bad."

Authors note

I'm on the train back from as it is and tonight I lost my crowd surfing virginity. I must have went close to 40 times it was insane. Anyway I have all time low tomorrow. I'm also a little tipsy.

So did you expect Alex to break down like that? Also what do you thinks going to happen with his reputation now? Comment what you think.

Hugs, kisses and peace ✌🏻