Bear Heart (Book 2)

Chapter 22

22. Explaining

KENAI URSUS

Yesterday seemed almost like a haze. So much happened, and I don’t think I was able to fully take it all in. I was still upset, but I was trying to take the high road.

I had had a lot of fun at the fair, although, the wait with Clair had been a little awkward. That had been the first time I admitted to myself that I did in fact had feelings for Kate. I realized now that the reason I didn’t want to go to the fair with Kate alone was because I couldn’t really confront my feelings yet. I seemed to do that. I still couldn’t confront my feelings towards Clair yet. Sometimes I can’t help but think back to the almost-kiss on the Fourth of July and wonder what really stopped me. I couldn’t help but wonder what it was that I felt, yet I wasn’t making any effort to try to discover it.

When we had gotten to the fairgrounds, I felt a little bad that I had ditched Alex, Clair, and Sonia to run off with Kate, but she had been the one to invite me, so I thought it was more than necessary to spend the day with her. I won her some prizes, although she beat me at darts. It really did end up feeling like a date. However, when I saw Clair and the others walk towards us, I felt bad. I had wanted to spend time with them too. Clair and Alex were my best friends. Sonia, for some reason, made me weary of her. To this day, I don’t know how to explain. It continued to bug me, so on our way towards the Ferris Wheel I decided to hang back with her. Although, I didn’t appreciate Alex pointing out that I had been practically bound to the hip with Kate since we arrived.

The walk together was slightly awkward after Alex left to be with Sonia. Thankfully, Kate had decided to start chatting with them while I stayed back with Clair. However, when we finally started talking, things had seemed to ease up. I found it hilarious how she had won a goldfish and didn’t even like it. Her expression was pure annoyance towards it. I couldn’t help but laugh and start poking fun at her. It was fine for a bit, but then she had brought Kate to it. She was acting really annoyed, and it probably wasn’t because of the goldfish. She had said that Kate had me on a leash. It really bothered me, I didn’t like her talking about Kate that way. After a bit of an argument, she tried calming down, giving me a fake smile. For some reason, I felt really bad that she was upset, thinking it was my fault, although she said that she wasn’t mad at him. I tried acting like nothing happened, ruffling her hair, but it didn’t stop bothering me.

When we got on the wheel, Kate confessed to me. At first, I didn’t know what to say, but I felt really happy about it. However, I was really hesitant in deciding to become her boyfriend. It wasn’t that I didn’t like Kate. After all, she was gorgeous and polite, there was no reason for me to reject her. I did have some feelings for her. What was making me reluctant was my conscience. I felt guilty because of what happened on the roof with Clair. I couldn’t help but think back to it. She’ll understand, I thought to myself. I told her I liked Kate. What happened on the roof was probably nothing.

Before I knew it, she was leaning in, wanting a kiss. I started to move back, but yet again I thought back to the roof. I missed out on a kiss because I was being such a wimp. I didn’t want to do that again. I had to man up. So, I kissed her, and I enjoyed it. I wanted a few more, plating some on her soft lips. I was actually really happy, but something in the back of my mind was nagging me, rendering me unable to enjoy it.

As soon as we got off the ride, Clair was storming off. I lost sight of her easily, although I kept scanning the crowd for her copper hair. “What happened? Why’d she leave?” I asked Alex. Sonia had ran into the crown trying to chase her down, but she lost sight of her as well. When she came back, I saw that they looked just as confused as I was. “Did she have to leave home?” Kate asked them. Sonia shook her head. “I don’t know what happened. I mean, she was upset when we were on the ride, but before we could talk to her, she just ran off. I’m worried about her.”