I am trapped. A labyrinth of corridors that has been constructed from the pillars of empty duplication is the only reminder of my piteous existence. Lost within the confines of this labyrinth, the concept of time has ceased. The rising and setting of the sun seems to be a delayed process in which I am enveloped by relentless voices that cut like razors, slicing through skin without allowing the ancient wounds to heal. Originally, I found myself caught in this sempiternal affair without my consent but it has slowly embedded its roots into my mind like a plague. I involuntarily began welcoming the thought of kissing blades with my skin; I began to crave the familiar sensation of submission to an object that has the power to kill. I engraved scars into my own flesh.
I am obedient. At night, I feel the confines of my own mind bearing down on me and this is when I begin to see sanctuaries disguised as weapons of disaster. I lose myself to the dark thoughts that trample my mind. Fighting them is futile. When the voices inside my head seem to be whispering for me to dominate the uncontrollable addiction, the murderous blades scream. They demand my attention. They demand to be gripped until my hand quivers and my knuckles turn pale against their metal bodies. They demand my life.
I am unavailing. At times, I feel myself climbing out of this abyss. However, this chasm of infinite proportions seems to be laced with fragile staircases for, as soon as I begin to rise, I fall harder than before. My whole being screams for an escape. I long for the sunlight to strike my skin and, mostly, I yearn for the sound of life.
I am isolated. I spend countless nights crying until I am soaked in my own despair. As time gradually passes in the emptiness that engulfs my mind, I seldom see people approach the chasm. I send silent pleads their way, hoping for acknowledgment. However, no one seems to hear me begging for my life that is being threatened by my mind. No one answers my pleas as I struggle to be saved from myself.
I am defeated. Every day is a dreadful war that rages on between my mind and the demons that lurk within my depths. In a world of killers, a sinner's mind is a sanctum. Therefore, pain had become my sanctuary. In order to rid my mind of the voices that craved death, I inflicted wounds upon my body. This sanctuary eventually transformed itself into a gaping chasm, restricting my actions with barriers and threats. My addiction was a death wish in disguise.
I am weak. Not living or dying; just barely surviving. Every passing day grows slower and my malevolent thoughts begin to gain extensive power. I feel myself spiral over the edge of sanity as my thoughts dangle over the edge of self-destruction. My cries for help become desperate. When no help comes, my blades become my only friends. When these friends morph into bloodthirsty beasts, I begin to feel my life slipping away like the endless amounts of blood that stains my wrists.
I am a monstrosity. I have complicated my own breathing and challenged my own heart. I have ruptured the beauty of the human skin beyond the point of repair. As I feel my life flowing out of me, a sinister sense of serenity passes over me. I feel the burden of despair pushing against my lungs, suffocating me even further. My thoughts grow dimmer until they are shrouded beneath a veil of regret.
I am dying. Dying as a result of my addiction. In my final conscious moments, I realize that one can become addicted to anything if it satisfies the brain long enough. Inevitably, this is the final chapter in my story written by my treacherous addiction. Even as I write this letter, these words feel foreign as they flow from my hand and embed themselves into the fibers of this paper. The world may view this as a pathetic act of cowardice but, regardless, in this moment I desire nothing but the simple extinction of the plague that has been bestowed upon my existence.
I am lost forever. As I leave this world, I hold no grudges for it is the simple nature of humans to forgive and forget. As I depart, I shall forgive the world and the world shall forget me.
