fluffy//NAMJIN
contains hints of self harm. i am not romanticising it in any way nor promote the romanticism of thing like this.
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"joonie! look at this sweater!" seokjin exclaimed excitedly. he held up an oversized baby-blue sweater with a small rocket badge on the left side of the chest. namjoon walked over to jin, a smile set on his lips. they had been shopping for most of the day; both of them enjoyed it greatly, enjoying each other's company immensely.
"why don't you try it on?" namjoon asked softly as he put his hand on the small of seokjin's back. "ill buy it for you."
seokjin's face lit up as he nodded excitedly, taking the coat-hanger as he planted a chaste kiss on namjoon's cheek. namjoon's smile widened, his dimples deepening. seokjin smiled.
they both headed toward the changing rooms, glad that it was a large store because the changing rooms were large too. they often both went into changing rooms - despite the looks they got - so that they could see their partner in what they were going to buy.
seokjin headed into the changing room, lucky enough to get a large one with a lockable door. they both shuffled in, both smiling to themselves and both hand in hand. namjoon locked the door behind them, sitting on the small bench behind seokjin.
seokjin hung the sweater up on one of the many pegs in the changing room, looking at namjoon through the large mirror on the wall in front of him. namjoon winked at him, seokjin turning around in a flustered mess. namjoon chuckled as he pulled out his phone, seokjin getting ready to take off his pale pink sweater.
seokjin pulled the sweater over his head, smiling at himself in the mirror as he ruffled his hair. his eyes trailed down, eyes scanning his body. he wasn't self conscious at all- he loved his body. he was looking over himself with a smile until..
his stomach..
white lines littered his stomach, some thicker and longer than others, others barely visible. his palm flattened out against a large cluster, his smile fading, a frown replacing it. his fingers ran across a couple of scars his eyes stinging.
his head spun slightly as he stared at his stomach. he did this to himself. he thought that this was okay, and he hurt himself more than anyone ever could. he made himself like this.
it was a long time since he'd looked at himself in a negative way.
he didn't realise he was crying until he blinked, looking up at his face and seeing large, ugly tears streaking down his cheeks.
seokjin felt his heart clench as he saw namjoon put his phone down, his hand pressing further against his tummy that now seemed pudgy and fat. namjoon looked up, eyes meeting with seokjin's red ones in the mirror, sucking in a breath instantly as seokjin but his lip harshly.
namjoon quickly stood up, his face one of worry and concern. namjoon spun his boyfriend around, instantly taking his hands off of his stomach and pulling him against his own chest. seokjin struggled against him, letting out a small sob against namjoon's chest, pushing against namjoon.
"baby, please-"
"no!" seokjin shouted, finally pushing himself away from namjoon. "don't touch me, this is my fault!"
namjoon bit his lip, nodding. seokjin wrapped his arms around himself, sniffling a little. namjoon cautiously lifted his arms out to jin, tugging his wrists away from his tummy. this time, seokjin complied, his breathing slowing slightly as namjoon pulled him closer again.
this time, however, jin nuzzled into namjoon's neck, whimpering softly. namjoon ran his hand up and down jin's back, his skin burning slightly. namjoon hushed him quietly, holding him extremely tight. seokjin had his arms resting lightly on namjoon's waist.
"look at me, baby," namjoon mumbled as he ran a hand through seokjin's hair. seokjin shook his head, pushing his face further into namjoon's neck. "seokjin, look at me." he said, sternly, noting the way jin instantly pulled back and looked at him.
seokjin tried to speak, his throats too dry, but namjoon simply shook his head.
"don't speak. just listen to me, okay? i know that you have days like this, and that you can't bear to look at yourself; everyone does. i know you won't believe me, but they do. and i want you to know that i have never seen anyone as beautiful as you. you're ethereal, jinnie.."
seokjin felt breathless.
soon enough, namjoon's lips were pushed against seokjin's, their eyes fluttering shut and lips moving ever so gently against each other. namjoon pushed jin back a little, his back hitting the wall gently. seokjin pulled namjoon closer, smiling faintly.
namjoon pulled away, slightly breathless as he stepped back slightly, his hands running down seokjin's chest and onto his stomach. he ran his fingers across the scars; drawing small patterns.
"god, princess, you're so beautiful," namjoon mumbled, smirking as seokjin blushed. "so, you gonna try that sweater on?" he said with a smile, wiping seokjin's cheeks gently.
seokjin nodded, turning to the sweater. he took it off of the hanger, sniffling slightly. namjoon watched him, standing extremely close to him. seokjin pulled it on over his head, ruffling his hair slightly, the sleeves falling over his hands.
he smiled at his reflection.
"you look to pretty, jinnie." namjoon mumbled, back hugging him gently, making sure to press his hands against jin's stomach.
"only with you by my side."
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i so pAle
