Raising Laila

Chapter 4 - 'Oh The Places You Will Go'

"When we were little our parents always loved to read to us and in more recent years they loved to read to Laila, with our and their favourites always being 'Oh The Places You Will Go,' now looking back I am unbelievably grateful for that one thing that my parents did and taught me. That I could go anywhere and do anything I wanted to do and they would always love me more than anything else in the world, and I don't believe I would be where I am today without them. They would always support us no matter what, they gave all three of us the best opportunities and the best start in life. One particular thing would be Dad's handwritten notes in my lunch box at primary school, even though he probably had a million other things to do, he always spent the time to write a few words and draw a little picture, one of my favourites and most memorable being a singing stick figure in a stadium, when he knew I had a singing exam that day. In more recent years, when the stick figure was replaced with me, my dreams coming true, they were proud, prouder than proud and to hear them cheering us on was always the best reward I could've been given."

"And now with Laila, their tiny little princess, unexpected but so wanted. I know she was read exactly the same stories with a new introduction, Guess How Much I Love You. And they really did love her and us as high as they could hop with Laila it was a case of her asking them to jump and them saying how high? It was a case of Dad walking around with pink painted nails and hair bows in, last year I was home for her Sports Day at school and watching her face when he won the Dad's Race was priceless. Her Hero. He was her best friend. He was a best friend to many but had this incredible talent of making every single person feel special. And my Mum, as a kid I remember driving early morning somewhere I don't quite remember and all the traffic lights being green. I thought it was her making them green, I thought she had some kind of special superpower, and I hope that she knew that those green lights weren't the only ones she gave me in my life."

"And all those years ago when you told us about all the places we would go, it is now time for you to go. So now, you're off on you're journey you'll never guess how much we love you."

Laila sat silently, innocently holding Jade's hand tightly throughout the majority of the service. She was restless squirming around her seat when Karl and Jade stood up but refused any other comfort from anybody else, sliding along the bench when Shireen edged closer to sit next to her. 

After the funeral they sat still waiting for everybody else to leave, having previously arranged a few minutes for Laila to ask her questions and say goodbye, Karl and Jade had been to visit them a few days earlier giving them time to come to terms but they thought Laila deserved some time to be able to go and see the coffins and understand what was going to happen. 

"Have you got any questions, Laila?" Jade asked as they stood at the front beside the coffins. 

"No." she said pulling her hand away from Jade's. 

"Are you sure, it's alright if you do," Jade encouraged. 

"I don't. I want to go home," she said leaving and walking towards the exit, making all three adults left in the room shocked and looking around slightly confused before following her out, Jade stopping to blow a kiss before shutting the door behind her. They hoped that Laila's blunt attitude was just her way of dealing with her emotions and she would eventually let it all out and be back to herself almost, unfortunately that didn't happen. 

November 1, 2017: 9.12pm. 

"Laila, it is bedtime. Come and lie down, please," Jade begged. 

They had been trying to get Laila in to bed for over an hour and she wasn't having any of it. 

"No! I'm not going to sleep!" she yelled back. 

"Laila, stop shouting. This is getting ridiculous, come up here now and go to bed," Jade warned, she wasn't in the mood after the emotional day to get strict with the little girl, but this was getting really stressful. 

While she had done this a few nights ago, this was a hundred times worse. Longer, louder and more difficult. Both Baby Karl and Amara had been woken up and neither could get back to sleep, so while they were distracted downstairs with a movie, Jade was trying to get Laila into bed unsuccessfully. 

"NO! I hate you! GO AWAY!" she yelled, slamming the door of the spare bedroom. 

"Okay, if you are going to shout at me like that then I'm not going to try and help you," Jade explains calmly walking away from the door. She hoped that giving Laila some time on her own would calm her down, although Jade didn't go far and sat just a few feet away from the door so if she did hear something coming from the room she would be there in seconds. 

Inside the room Laila was pacing backwards and forwards across the room, resisting the urge to throw the pillows around, although she knew that would get her in trouble, she didn't want to have to sit in the corner for six minutes like Mummy and Daddy made her do when she was naughty. Everybody kept getting cross with her but she didn't understand what was going on and didn't know what to do, she couldn't help but be angry, she didn't like it and didn't want to upset people but it was just happening! 

It only took her a few minutes before she grabbed a hold of her stuffed bunny rabbit and sobbed in to the pillow. Jade quickly heard the desperate sobs and found herself sat holding the little girl seconds later on the bed attempting to calm the hysteria. She knew that Laila should be in trouble for the way she had acted but couldn't get herself to do it, it just wasn't worth it it had been a long day for everybody and nobody wanted to have to enforce any kind of discipline right now. 

Laila eventually fell asleep, exhausted cuddled up next to Jade. Jade knew she would only have so long until she had to return to London and get back to work, they had cancelled their last tour dates and had other events coming up that she didn't know if she would be able to get out off, when she returned to London like they had planned Laila would stay with Karl and somewhat normal life would resume. Nobody was looking forward to it. 

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