Instant Impacts

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PROLOGUE

The possum came out of nowhere.

One second we were fine. More than fine, my older sister, Claudia was laughing while I was singing horribly along with the Arctic Monkeys. We were so happy the only thing bringing us down was that we were on our way home. The night that started with such a high was going to make an abrupt end.

Who knew that lives can be defined in seconds, that they can start and end in seconds, who knew that at any second between Mad Sounds and Fireside that a possum would emerge from the side of the road?

It's funny how one second you can be bubbling with energy, barely able to contain your happiness and then the next, your face is colliding with the front airbags of your car and suddenly everything's black.

It's funny how one second you're driving your car through safe suburban streets and then the next, your car is wrapped around a flickering street light.

All I have left from that night are short fragments of happiness and then nothing, my sister's bright blue eyes twinkling and then nothing, the road ahead of us and then nothing. I remember seeing an old couple walking hand in hand, the moonlight reflecting the puddles on the pavement creating a silver glow in the air and then nothing.

According to leading neurologists we are always living in the past because our brains take a while to process moments and events that happen unexpectedly. Meaning that the casualty of a car accident wouldn't even remember being in the vehicle.

Everything had happened so fast and there was no way of anticipating those sorts of instances. In those last few milliseconds there were no blinding lights or deafening screams, just pure panic and hopelessness.

I woke up in a hospital room the week after the accident. My arms were heavy and there was a thin tube stuck in the back of my hand and for a second I thought I couldn't feel my legs. My throat was dry and my tongue was no longer moist. I felt groggy and fragile.

Later that week my parents both told me that Claudia hadn't survived the crash and that she had died instantly from the impact but with some miraculous chance I had survived. I don't know how they said those words with no emotion, it's like they had recited them like an actor for a script.

Maybe they had said those words so many times to so many different people that saying them to me were like reading the headlines in the local paper.

There isn't a step to step guide on how to accept the loss of a loved one and people have different ways of dealing with their grief. I've accepted that my sister has passed but I'll never be rid of denial and anger. The denial and anger are still there because if lives weren't defined by seconds, she would still be here and I wouldn't be the one who survived.