Saudade

Chapter 2

"A mother is always the beginning.
She is how things begin."

~ Amy Tan, The Bonesetter's Daughter

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It didn't matter how accomplished or how old someone was. There's a universal understanding that when someone's looking for comfort, they would always ask for their mommas. Hence, Reba found herself booking a flight from Tennessee to Oklahoma a day after the fateful incident she had with Matthew.

It was ironic how she cried herself to sleep that night when she knew in her heart that she brought it upon herself. The voice in her head kept reminding her of the fact that everything was her fault. She caused someone pain and the gravity of her decision didn't hit her until she heard Matt's rented car driving away from her house.

She had been racking her brain since, asking whether she did the right thing. Was she right to let him go? She didn't exactly let him go, but she said some things and she wasn't sure if Matt would ever forgive her, or at least take her back. Did she want to get back with him? What about Narvel?

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Reba took a deep breath, uttering a silent thanks. She was thankful that her flight had been an uneventful one. She loved her fans dearly, but she didn't think she'd be up for a selfie should anyone approach her. She adjusted in her seat and picked up the book she'd been reading, and placed it back in her backpack. As she zipped up her bag, a memory flashed right before her eyes: the last flight she was with Matthew. They flew to New York for guestings Reba had. It was a couple of busy days, but they managed to eat dinner at a small hole in the wall Italian restaurant in the Upper East. She remembered how--

Stop. Reba. Stop. She chastised herself.

She pursed her lips willing her mind to wander elsewhere, but it was futile.

She remembered how Matthew usually smirked whenever a fan approached them. He would watch with a kind smile how fans of various ages gawk at Reba before they timidly ask for a selfie. And then he would usually offer to take the camera or phone so he could take another picture for them--he genuinely enjoyed being the photographer so the fans could have another photo with the country singer.

Reba shook her head, wanting to rid of all the memories, if only for a short while. She didn't want to be seen morose in public, let alone crying her eyes out, but her mind was definitely playing tricks with her as every little thing reminded her of Matt; he was everywhere, but nowhere, thanks to her.

She'd be lying if she'd say she didn't miss him. She missed him, more than she thought she ever would. She wondered what could he possibly be doing at the moment. Probably hating you, she thought sadly, berating herself yet again. She took a deep breath as she stared at the window, gazing at the Tennessee clouds, contemplating what her life had become.

Reba sighed--for the nth time--and decided to close her eyes. She couldn't wait to see her mama.

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The redhead didn't tell her mama that she was coming in for a visit, so Jackie was quite surprised to see the country singer standing outside her door. Nevertheless, the older woman was ecstatic to see her daughter.

"Reba Nell!" the older woman gasped and grinned, her heart instantly filling with joy over seeing her daughter.

Jackie opened the screen door with a big smile on her face. However, when the older woman finally had a good look at her daughter, she immediately knew that something was not right.

"Hey mama," Reba croaked.

Jackie hugged her daughter right there and then, not uttering a single word, and Reba broke down in tears. The singer was beyond thankful she didn't have to pretend and hold everything in anymore. Reba held on tight to her mama as her tears soaked the older woman's blouse; if there was one place or one person the country singer could show her weakness to, it was to her mama.