(Un)popular Opinion

To Make You Laugh

There was a young lady from Lynne
Who was so exceedingly thin,
That when she essayed
To drink lemonade,
She slid down the straw and fell in.

A primordial termite knocked on wood.
He tasted it, and found it good.
And that is why your cousin Mae
Fell through the parlor floor today.

A man walks into the county courthouse and tells the clerk, "I'm here to change my name."
"Ok," says the clerk. "What's your name?"
"Arnie Goobamalong."
"I can see why you'd want to change that. What are you changing it to?"
"Jerry Goobamalong."

A college graduate with a new degree in agriculture drove out into farm country one day to see if he could impress any farmers with his extensive learning. Eventually he came to an old farmer in overalls, looking over his crop. The graduate stops his car, hops out and says, "I bet I could help you with your farming plan. Why, I'm sure that you're only getting half of the wheat you could off that field if I were to show you some new tricks!"
"Prob'ly getting less." The farmer grunts. "That there's barley."

A boy from Upstate New York was taking a driving tour of the country. His first night in Texas, he decided to treat himself to steak at a popular steakhouse.
He ordered a steak, and they bring him a whole roast.
"This is huge! I just asked for a steak!" he says.
"Everything's bigger in Texas," replies the waiter.
To wash down this massive amount of meat, he orders a glass of beer. The waiter brings a whole pitcher.
"I just ordered a glass!" he says.
"Everything's bigger in Texas," replies the waiter.
After eating as much as he can of this, the New Yorker starts to feel a little too full.
"Where's the bathroom?" he asks the waiter.
"Down the hall to your right," replies the waiter. Accidentally, the boy takes a left, and falls into the pool in the entertainment room.
"Ahhh!" he yells. "Don't flush!!"
'Cause everything's bigger in Texas...

Why is the men's bathroom always on the left?
Because women are always right.

Marriage is an adventure - like going to war.

Two legs sat on three legs by four legs.
Four legs kicked two legs off of three legs.
Two legs hit four legs with three legs.
Translation:
A man sat down on a three legged stool to milk the cow.
The cow kicked him off the stool.
The man hit the cow with the stool.

I don't own all of these sayings, but those that I don't own I found via public domain, or traditional sources with long expired copyrights.