Staring above at the ceiling, I can hardly accept what is happening in present reality. Making love to me, kissing and sucking at my neck, moaning my name over and over again, is my best friend. Jai Brooks, is hovering my body and showering my bare skin with open mouthed kisses that shouldn't even be allowed. How did we even get here? How did we go to being such pure best friends to sinful human beings that no longer share the innocence they still should? How did we even share the first kiss?
The answer was simple; I was heartbroken.
Just hours before, my once perfect boyfriend turned into someone I hardly recognized, drinking alcohol heavily and actively making out right before my very eyes, not having a care in the world that his own girlfriend was watching him perform unfaithful actions.
I came crying to the person who was readily available and glad to listen- Jai. He was angry at my boyfriend, loathing and seething with frustration at how someone so real ended up being so fake.
I was heartbroken, tears streaming down my makeup-less face as words weren't enough to heal the wounds he had formed... but Jai had a solution.
Facing away from him and wiping my tears pathetically, I suddenly feel a pair of hands intertwine with mine from behind and a soft whisper in my ear say, "I can make you feel better if you let me."
Despite being intelligent and currently against having casual sex, I didn't mind the thought of having my mind being taken away from me. At the time, it sounded wonderful, delicious even. My only response was gently squeezing his fingers, giving him the allowance to my body.
It took absolutely no time for him to worm his way into my clouded brain. Once slow kisses became desperate and sloppy, begging for something more and something more satisfying. Hands clawed at clothing and then naked skin, lips moving from mouths to necks and then back and forth as they moaned often from such ecstasy. Home alone, we didn't have to worry about keeping quiet, for being silent was the least of our worry's and the least of our wants. He gave me his body and in response, I gave him mine. We became one. We are one.
Somewhere at the end of making love, I heard him whisper words in my ear that a girl could never forget hearing from her best friend. In between gentle, settle moans, I could make out a simple, "I love you."
It never occurred to me until that moment that this was the reason he found another solution. He wasn't simply trying to make me feel better from my sudden heart break, but rather pleasure the both of us as I can only imagine he was needing this as well. He needed my touch, my words, to hear them against his bare skin and feel them tug at his short hair. We needed each other.
I did what I thought was right, what I thought would be the correct thing to respond to, despite not knowing how my heart was feeling towards my best friend. After all, he was just that for more than 4 years now.
"I love you, too."
In that moment, as the words rolled off my tongue and the last moans were shared together in final ecstasy, I could feel my heart spring into action as it's broken clocks were now beginning to turn again. It was as if until the words came out of my shaky and breathless mouth, that it didn't seem possible to love my best friend more than I normally would.
But as we lay together now, in each other's arms, listening to the sound of his heart beat against my ear, I now realize that I have loved him all along. The years we spent together, laughing, playing, fighting, having fun, enjoying life, were just long moments leading up to this certain one.
I wasn't heart broken anymore.
I was loved.
