Crazed Minds | ✔️

thirteen

"Your lips, my lips, apocalypse."
-Apocalypse, Cigarettes After Sex
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When you kiss somebody, it's almost as if your brain doesn't function the way it normally does. Instead of thinking the same angry thoughts that you were thinking a moment before, you only feel light. As light as air. Instead of using your eyes to watch the person carefully like you normally do, your brain chooses to close them.

It's like my heart doesn't quite know how to react to this new revelation, so it's freaking out.

Alec kisses me back harder, slipping his hand gently around my waist and pulling me close to him. I slide my hands around his neck while his loop around my waist.

Time seems to stop. Maybe the world is ending around us. Maybe there is nothing else at all. Just us. Just us in a world going up in flames.

Our lips lock perfectly, like they had been sculpted to fit each other. His are soft, and I don't want my own lips to ever be without his.

But eventually, I pull back, needing air since my heart is going into overdrive. "Does that prove it?" I whisper.

He smiles his perfect, mischievous smile, and breathlessly nods. I raise the tip of my finger to his lips and feel their softness ever so slightly, while his eyes only watch me.

He leans in and kisses me again.

***

We make it back to school at about five in the morning, since we'd sat on the cliff watching the sun come up. It was an incredible spectacle, pink and yellow and orange hues lighting up the once-black sky.

But as I sit in the dining hall for breakfast, I feel three things:

One: exhaustion. It was a given. I barely slept at all with the butterflies still crowding my stomach.

Two: eternal happiness. The insane fluttery feeling in my heart and stomach and mind. Even the voices haven't had anything to say about it.

And three: guilt. Despite a potential eternity of happiness, I can feel it racing strong through my veins. Especially when Jasper's eyes meet mine from across the room. He smiles, and it takes every ounce of strength I have left to smile back convincingly.

I just know that today, with all these new emotions and thoughts, I can't muster up enough courage to face Jasper or Alec. But then I remember I have English Lit first lesson with Alec. As in, I sit right beside him.

But this school is small, and with all those wandering, curious eyes about, I know it won't be long until I'm confronted by both of them.

What if Alec approaches me and kisses me again? What if Jasper sees?

Shut it, asshat, you're practically cheating. Don't lead either of them on. Get your life sorted.

Great, you're back. But for once, the voices are actually sounding pretty reasonable. Even 'asshat' sounds fitting right now.

"Did you hear about Mr Jefferson's cat?" Sky asks, startling me out of my daze.

And then her words sink in, and I frown. How did she find out? And judging by their looks, the rest of the table know about Whiskers too. So how did they all find out?

But if I say I know, that I stood above the cat's corpse like it was an open casket funeral, then they'd ask too many questions. Especially why I was in the woods with Jasper. So I play it safe and reply blankly, "No."

As she tells me a tweaked version of what happened, I force expressions of shock and sorrow. Like normal people do, right?

"Apparently, Mr Jefferson is pressing charges, but he can't do anything until they figure out who did it," Jessica explains, separating her toast into tiny squares on her plate.

"They still don't know who did it?" Thomas asks before I can, eyeing his sister sceptically.

She shakes her head while Louise replies, "I reckon it was a Socio. Sort of thing they'd do, right?"

My mind flashes to Jasper, causing a warming in my stomach. Jasper wouldn't do that though. He only got here because he was trying to protect his family, not because he's actually dangerous.

Daniel shakes his head, messing with the hash brown soaked in beans on his own plate. "No way, it was definitely a Fighter. Some stupid prank gone wrong or something."

"He's got a point," Sky says, raising her eyebrows at Louise.

"You're kidding," Thomas says, frowning at Sky. "It's a cat, for Christ's sake. You don't get more sociopathic than that."

"I agree," Jessica says absently.

"Why don't we make this interesting?" Daniel says enthusiastically.

"Is that even possible?" I mumble under my breath, staring at the soggy piece of untouched toast on my plate. This is only making me think more about Alec and Jasper, which isn't good.

"Ten pounds says it was a Fighter who did it," Daniel carries on, his smile wide and eager.

Thomas scoffs. "It's on, moron, prepare to lose ten bucks."

"Everyone puts ten pounds in, and whichever side wins gets it all and can split the money, how about that?" Jessica reasons, to which they all nod excitedly.

"Wait, Olivia hasn't given her opinion. What side are you on?" Sky asks.

That sounds a lot like what Alec was accusing me of last night. I abruptly stand up, my chair almost flying back in the process, and snap, "For the final time, I'm not on a side!"

"Okay, Olivia, calm down-"

I interrupt Louise and hiss, "What if it was a Wallflower, huh? Ever think of that? Maybe it was one of you guys. Maybe it was me. But we'll never know. Enjoy your game."

And with that, I turn and walk away, all five pairs of confused eyes watching me go.