The Bucket List

Chapter 16

But he also knew me well enough to know what to say, to get me to agree. "I guess I can try. I'll let you know." I couldn't hold back my smile, even if I wanted to. I was excited about this trip. And I was sure I would get time off from work.

"Amazing. You up for crossing something off your list as well Saturday?" Jayden asked as I stood up to start walking again.

"Yeah sure, what did you have in mind?" I asked, it was kind of fun, how he seemed to be more excited about this list than I was.

"Well I was thinking fishing?" He asked, I could almost hear him grinning.

"Yeah. Should be interesting. But listen, I gotta go. I'll talk to you soon." We said our goodbyes and hang up.

As soon as I could I put my stuff down, and took Jayden's T-shirt off. It still smelled of him.

"Mum, dad, it's just me." I yelled as I walked into my parents house.

"Kitchen." My dad yelled back as I removed my jacket.

"Hi honey." My mum kissed me on my cheek as I walked out in the kitchen to them. "How was your weekend? Have you been working?" She asked as I moved to give my dad a kiss on his cheek as well.

"Nope. Which was really nice. I actually haven't had to work weekends for a few weeks now. It's nice to be able to take the weekends off." I smiled, walking over to my dad to help him make the food. He had already taken a beer out for me, to join him. My mum had started on the bubbles. That was more her thing.

"Hopefully that's just because it fell like that, not because you're loosing your touch?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"So what did you do this weekend?" My dad asked changing the subject away from work. That was never a good subject for me and my mum to talk about.

"Uhm, well I painted." It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't really the truth either.

"Oh you started on that hobby again?" My mum asked. "It's good to have a hobby." She smiled before she took a sip of her glass.

"How was your weekend?" I asked looking over my shoulder to look at my mum.

"It was good, thank you. We went to the grave yard yesterday. Her new home is really beautiful. So many people have been by with flowers. Even her favourite." My mum beamed. She talked like if Amy had just moved away from home. Which kind of bothered me. I hadn't been there for a while now. But good thing people were giving her lilacs. I had thought about planting that kind a three by her grave, but didn't know if it was allowed. 

"That's great mum. But she was a very loved person. So it makes sense she would have a lot of flowers." I knew how much it meant to my mum, that people still remembered, and spent time on her.

"So what else did you do this week pumpkin?" My dad asked. I took a deep breath, okay, here we go.

"I got a tattoo." I rushed out of my mouth.

"YOU WHAT?" My mum yelled, as my dad stopped his movement and turned to look at me. 

"I got a tattoo." I repeated myself. "I always wanted one, and now I got a dragonfly tattooed, for Amy, do you want to see it? I drew it myself." I asked, wanting to show them my work.

"You got a tattoo for Amy? I know you miss her, but you don't just do something like that. If you had just thought about it, you wouldn't have one right now. I know you're hurting, we all are. But that is not the way to handle it." My mum said raising her voice at the end. And I saw red.

"Didn't you hear what I just said? I have wanted this for a while. And you should know me better than that. I would never get a tattoo and then regret it. I got a dragonfly, because it reminds me of Amy. Because I wanted something that reminds me of her." I defended myself getting angry, I looked over at my dad, he just stood there, keeping a close eye on the both of us, not saying anything.

"Honey, I think you should go see a therapist. How many tattoos or whatever won't you end up with, if you continue like this." My mum said in a sympatric voice that pushed me just that bit closer to the edge.

"I don't need therapy. It was just one god damn tattoo." I growled throwing my hands up in the air. I needed to get out of here. I didn't want to fight. "I'm out of a few things at home. I'll be back in half an hour." I explained taking a deep breath, trying to calm myself.

"Al." My mum tried to calm me, but it didn't work.

"I'll see you in a bit okay." I gave her a tight smile, before I left the house, grabbing my jacket and phone on the way out.

I dialled Julie's number as soon as the door closed behind me. It rang a few times, before it went to voicemail.

I tried to call Tash then, but she hang up on me. Then I tried Beth, but it went straight to voicemail. In the meantime Tash had texted me. 'Can't talk, call later.' And I knew Maya was busy today. Great, just as I needed to talk to someone.

I guess I could talk with Jayden. I let out a sigh and dialled his number, I couldn't believe I was actually doing this. "Hi babe." He answered his phone, and I felt my stomach do that stupid dip, it always did whenever he called me that.

"I'm sorry to call, but I really need to get out with some frustrations." I sighed down in the phone as I walked into Tesco.

"You can always call me. I told you that. Let me hear." Jayden said in a serious tone, which somehow, had a calming effect on me.

"I told my parents about my tattoo, my mum flipped. I don't know what my dad thinks, my mum was too busy trying to get me to a psychiatrist, for him to say anything." I explained, letting out a huff, as I picked up some milk.

"Okay, you gotta explain that with a few more details. She wants you to see a psychiatrist because of a tattoo?" He asked and I started retelling our conversation.

"I see. Have you tried to actually sit down and have a conversation with her about all this stuff? It seems like there's a lot to talk about? I don't know why she freaked out over a tat. It can't be that bad. But maybe she does have a point. It could be a good idea to talk with a psychiatrist or someone." Jayden added the last part in a very quiet voice. He obviously already knew my answer.

"I'm not talking with a psychiatrist. I'm coping with Amy's death by myself just fine. But no, she's impossible to talk with." I knew, I had tried over the years, she never listens.

"I'm not saying you have to talk with a psychiatrist. You could talk with me, or Julie or a stranger. You just need to talk with someone. You can't go with all your thoughts and emotions locked up inside you. You need to let someone in." Jayden said in a sweet voice, which made it sound like he was talking to a child.

"I'm fine." I bit out. "Listen, I have to pay in a minute. I'll see you soon okay? Thanks for listening to me." I ended the call, I didn't need him to side with my mum right now.

I walked home as slowly as I could. I stopped for a few seconds in front of their door, before I slowly stepped inside.

I could smell the food all the way from the kitchen out in the hall. I put my grocery bag down, took my shoes off, and picked up my bag again before I made my way out in the kitchen. As I turned the corner, I found my parents the exact place I left them.

"Did you get what you needed pumpkin?" My dad asked as I walked past him, to put my stuff in the fridge.

"Yeah, pretty much." I smiled, trying to get rid of the awkward atmosphere we had.

"You can't just run off like that Allison. You're not a kid anymore, you have to stay and deal with your problems." My mum spoke up for the first time. It's fun, one minute she wants to make every decision in my life. The next I'm a 'grown up'. She always just say what work in her advantage.

"Catherine let Allison be. She came here to have a nice family dinner, and that's what we'll have." My dad stopped her. I sent him a thankful look and went to set the table.

 Very short I know :/ But all I got for now. So tired. 

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