The Life of an Introvert

Story #2

This entry was written by RantReader. Thanks for taking the time, RantReader. What your counselor said definitely sucked, but what you said is also inspiring.

Some of the greatest ideas come from peaceful solitude. Now that said, I've learned that not everyone is so excepting of quiet individuals and it can lead us to believe things about us that just aren't true.

I remember going to a lot of parent-teacher conferences back in elementary and middle school and while my mom and dad were happy to be learning about my progress in school, I was always hesitant to go.

It had happened every year; I would be sitting with my parents, a little excited to hear what my teachers thought of me because I always hoped that this would be the year they finally saw past my quiet and reserved exterior.

I was always waiting for that one teacher who would see the girl eager to learn and grow. However, I and my parents were always met with the same response, "your daughter is hard-working and smart, but she's quiet."

I was shocked every time I heard this, they would call me a good worker and all that, but then it would be followed with that one statement, "she's quiet." It sounded like a disease when they said it. I began to loathe these conferences after a while because I knew how they would end up. I was the tumor and I needed to be dealt with.

I could see the disappointment in my mom's face, even she saw it as a bad thing. But when you have an outgoing and popular brother I guess there's going to be some expectations set.

After years of hearing this I began to hate my quietness too.

I hated the way I couldn't make small talk, hated the way the kids looked at me in disappointment when we had to be partnered up. I always felt like a burden to my classmates because I didn't talk as much as everyone else. I never felt the need to scream or cheer and somehow, that was wrong. 

Even my crush had said that one thing that always ate me up inside, "she's nice but she's so quiet." They always had to say it after something good about me, like my quietness tainted me as a human or something. It was always a bad thing to someone else. It's like saying "she's nice, but she talks too much."

I had multiple experiences like this, countless teachers asking me if I was okay or if something was wrong just because I preferred to read instead of talk. I never saw teachers going after kids who talked over me and talked too much. One teacher stood out in particular and what she said really did hurt me.

My best friend at the time (we'll call her Kathy) was a very loud, very opinionated girl who was the polar opposite to me. I was fine with that, I enjoyed having someone who would talk and talk when I didn't want to. She wasn't too popular with the kids either but for the exact opposite reason of me. She was too loud for everyone else and they started to bully her, which always had me stunned, because she was such a sweet girl. 

But anyways, at the time my counselor -who was also a teacher- liked Kathy a lot and hated the way the kids treated her, just like I did. So, she began setting up private counseling sessions with Kathy so that my friend could vent. Kathy told me everything, including what went down in the sessions. 

Somehow the conversation lead to the counselor telling my friend that I was like a puppy dog following her around.

She said that I wanted to be like Kathy and that I was trying so hard to be her. She said that Kathy was a strong person and I, was the weak one trying to feed off the strong.

I know, it's not that big of a deal and now that I look back on it I really shouldn't have let it get to me. But at the time I was trying to be more outgoing to please everyone else and I really thought I had made some progress. To hear that though, it just upset me.

My pride got the better of me, I didn't want people to look down on me like that, to think that I was just some dog following around my much better, much more extroverted friend because I was envious of her. It was just another comment against me, how I needed to change and how I was valued less as a person. I hated that counselor from then on and I still hold a grudge against her because, at the time, what she said hurt me deeply. I wanted to be the strong person people looked up to, but that wasn't how people saw me. I was the quiet girl.

But enough with the depressing stuff because there's a lot of happiness that comes with being an introvert. For me, it just took a while to see it.

Sure, you may not have a lot of friends as the 'quiet kid' but I've learned that the ones you do or will have will be the best friends you could ever find. We get the chance to meet great people, because we can sit back and observe people to find the truly great ones. The people that are willing to stick with you through all the awkward silences and not-so-great first impressions are the ones worth fighting for because they fought for you.

They fought to get through that quiet-is-bad complex and see that you really are worth it. They stuck around to find the funny, witty, and kind person beneath the calm exterior. I may not have many friends but the ones I do are loyal and I wouldn't give them up for the world. 

Use any time alone to do something worthwhile, to make a new painting, to complete that impossible video game, or to just read a really good book that gives you a new perspective on the world.

I'm here to tell you that you're not worth any less than the person who talks more. We're all equal to each other, we just choose different paths in life. We are the thinkers, the dreamers, the ones whose imaginations are so vivid that we can create anything we put our minds to.

Don't hate yourself for what you aren't, it can only lead you down a road of sadness and missed opportunities.

Instead, love yourself for what you are whether that be a really good listener or an adrenaline junkie. Life is too short to dwell on other people's opinions because, in the end, whose life do you want to be living? Yours? Or what someone else dictates is correct?

Live on!