The Life of an Introvert

Are Introverts Narcissists?

The other day I came across an article about selfishness in introverts, and the article was about how introverts were more selfish and were all actually narcissists.

So I wrote to the author, let's call him David. Why? Because.

So I asked him why he thought that introverts were narcissists.

So he wrote back, and said that a "true" introvert is one who "lives in a fantasy world" and "thinks that they are better or smarter than everybody else", which is why they choose not to interact with them.

First of all, I don't think that many people understand that introversion is not an excuse to be rude to other people, nor does it mean you are selfish and conceited. Some of the most kind, selfless people I have ever met have been introverts. Rarely, if ever, have I seen people be rude or selfish to someone else, and then say "I'm an introvert" in defense of it.

There is no "fine line" between introversion and selfishness, because they are completely different things. Being self aware does not equal only thinking about or doing things for yourself.

But it doesn't end there. David goes on to say this.

"Introverts are selfish because they do their best to avoid others. They don't have to be polite, considerate, thoughtful, because they don't expose themselves to any interactions with other people."

David isn't alone. Lots of people, online and in real life, question whether there is a fine line between introversion and selfishness, or that many introverts are actually narcissists in disguise.

The problem with this argument is that we must assume that everyone who goes out and likes to be around other people a lot is selfless and caring. That is not the case. I've met plenty of kids who liked to go out a lot and have conversations but were still inconsiderate of other people and unwilling to help out when people needed them.

Whether you are helpful or considerate, whether you care about other people or not, that's who you are. It has nothing to do with whether you are an introvert or extrovert. Everybody has a certain amount of human interaction, and sometimes you can make a difference in someone's life without talking to them at all.

Who says introverts don't have to be polite? There are certain social conventions that everyone must follow. One of them includes not being a jerk to other people. I have met many outspoken people who could not manage to follow this rule, and I have met many introverted people who could. Likewise, I'm positive selfish introverts do exist, but the traits don't go hand in hand.

David's not done yet. He goes on about how introverts assume they are "special snowflakes" that "think they are better than everyone else."

Speak for yourself. I've never thought I was better than everyone. If anything, just the opposite. The whole point is that we want people to consider introversion a normal personality trait, not something that needs to be fixed or removed. If you notice that someone is selfish and narcissistic, blame that on them. They are a selfish and narcissistic person. If someone is selfish and narcissistic and also introverted, correlation and causation play in there. Being introverted doesn't necessarily mean that is what caused you to be narcissistic.

If I meet someone who is extremely extroverted but also very rude and self-centered, am I going to assume that all extroverts are self-centered? No, I am not.

Another comment from David. And this is the last, I promise.

"Everyone needs alone time. Needing alone time doesn't make you an introvert-being annoyed that people want to be your friend, that makes you an introvert. An introvert will never listen to people's problems. Not all of us like everyone we meet, but we suck it up and deal with it. Needing to charge your batteries? Give me a break! It's obvious none of you know that you are self-centered and narcissistic. I've tried to explain this to many introverts before, but they are too butthurt whenever I do. Every introvert I have met, I have had bad experiences with. I will run a mile to get away if I ever meet one."

O.O

Needing alone time has nothing to do with liking people. I can spend a whole day hanging out with my best friends, but still need another whole day to recuperate afterwards. While some people may be thrilled to spend the next day after that hanging out again, I may feel tired or drained. Does this mean I hate my friends or purposely avoid them? No.

In my experience, introverts are, in fact, great listeners. Some of the people I know I can count for the best advice, and to listen to my problems, are introverts.

So there is some more research on introverts and extroverts and narcissists. Some people believe that being extroverted makes you more prone to being narcissistic because extroverted people are shallow. For the record, I disagree with this.

Some people have written about how actual narcissists may pretend that they are introverts and call themselves introverts because they don't think they are actually narcissists. Basically, fake introverts.

Imposters! Eat jello, you purple freaks!

Ahem. Sorry.

So what I just said may or may not have made sense. I'm going to make it simpler and outline what exactly a narcissist is.

Narcissists, generally, feel that they are more important or different than others in a better way. They take any insult said to them very personally, and basically feel that the world revolves or should revolve around them.

That's not necessarily true of introverts. I certainly don't believe the world revolves around me. Clearly, it's the galaxy than revolves around me.

Just kidding.

No, but for real, the reality is that narcissists are narcissists, and no conclusive evidence has shown that they are likely to be either more introverted or extroverted. The only connection between being introverted and being a narcissist is that actual narcissists sometimes call themselves introverts (even if they're not) because they think it makes them different and special.

A "true" introvert is an introvert, and a "true" narcissist is a narcissist. It's as simple as that.

One last thing before I finish up.

Some people may have noticed that I try to emphasize that extroverts are not better than introverts and introverts are not better than extroverts. Or at the very least, I don't try to imply that introverts are better than extroverts. Because they are not.

Those two personality traits each cover such a broad range of our population that labeling one as "better" than the other is silly and makes no sense.

To conclude, the reality is that being introverted/extroverted does not make you more susceptible to selfishness. Simple as that. There are so many different kinds of people who would fall over the word "introvert" that it's wrong to call them all selfish or narcissistic.