The Kelloggs Café [Open]

why i can't write.

[PLEASE READ.]

Hey everyone!

I haven't been around on Wattpad as much recently and while part of the reason is school work and lack of free time to write, there's also been some other things that I thought I might finally talk about in a separate chapter here. Before I get ahead, I should say that this has been on my mind for more than a few months and I feel the need to put it out on here because it might explain my semihiatus better. (Hence the essay.)

This will also probably be the most honest and most important thing I write on here, so I'd really appreciate it if you read this fully and commented with suggestions or your thoughts!

Now I've brought up the issue of copyright and imitation stories countless times before, namely in a separate chapter in Lemon Drops & Candy Shops when the issue first began. Over the last few months, there have also been problems with writers using very similar story ideas after reading my stories. Now, for the most part, people have been very nice about it when I contact them privately about my concerns. Admittedly, I've gotten to be very protective of my ideas after the first incident and I realize it's not always purposeful. I also genuinely want to be a positive person on here and help others out.

But impact speaks louder than intention. And it hurts.

While story ideas can't be copyrighted, it is BLATANTLY obvious when someone is using your story as more than just inspiration. It might not be word-for-word, but characterizations, sequencing of events, diction, and everything that goes into the plot counts to the writer of the story. As a fan of teen fiction and romance, I enjoy and write cliches as much as the next person but I always try to put my own spin on things. Yes, there are age-old ideas and dynamics, but I like to think that each writer makes it unique to themselves. I could honestly go on and on about this but that would turn this into a very angry rant. Because this hasn't been the case with many of the things I've encountered on here.

I honestly can't even put into words how it feels when things like that happen. It's a combination of frustration (even anger) and heartbreak. Beyond that, it's knowing that you've put in COUNTLESS hours of work into something (ideas, dialogue, a fictional world) that is being ripped off and taken without a second thought.

It's paralyzing. It's the reason why I don't feel like I can write or post on here anymore. *I'm not quitting, please note.

The main reason I'm still on here is because of the community. Because of the genuine readers who spend a part of their week reading my stories. It's the BEST part of my week too when I get to read and respond to those comments. It's the reason why I continued on with Lemon Drops & Candy Shops. But now that the story is ending, I'm really at a loss as to how to continue with my profile.

While I would love to continue posting new stories and show everyone the bits of writing that I've been doing offline for myself or for Radish, I have a REALLY hard time imagining or figuring out what to post on here. Because now that I've dealt with these situations, I can only see it ending up badly. Writing is an emotional investment and nowadays, it feels too risky on Wattpad. 

It's what stops me every time I think about writing or posting something on here, which breaks my heart and might sound whiny to some, but it's the honest and most sincere truth. It's on my mind all the time.

When I re-joined Wattpad, I started off like any other writer on here. I still absolutely love the feedback, the reads, the ranking; and it's thrilling to have hit 2k this year. But I've reached this point where I'm no longer sure if I value that more than the numbers or having an audience for my stories that is purely here to read and appreciate. It's part of "being online," posting on the Internet (as many people have argued about YouTubers), and being on Wattpad where anyone can write, but that doesn't make it any less problematic.

*I should add: I'm incredibly grateful to have reached where I'm at with my profile and to have so many genuine supporters. Some might say that imitation is flattery but this chapter isn't meant to dismiss the real love and support that I've received.

TL;DR, I'm stuck in a place right now where I'm not sure what or how to post. I write all the time on the side for myself, but honestly, I can't see those things ever being posted on here. I wish I knew or felt right now like it's worth it to do so or post something short, but I've learned that every story requires time, hard work, overthinking, love, and a whole lot more.

So while this whole thing doesn't mean that I'm going to quit, I thought it might explain my absences or lack of new material over the next little while. As my profile has continued to grow, I felt like it was time to address what's been on my mind for so long and I hope what I wrote meant something. Currently, being stuck between a rock and a hard place is where I'm at and it feels good to finally say something about it. I'm not entirely sure how things will pan out or what this even means about my profile or writing or anything, but it needed to be said.  

If you have any comments, questions, or suggestions, message me or comment down below!

Sending love always (to the real ones),

Kell