The Demons Inside. [ZM AU]

Ch: 34 || Attention.

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING, LEAVING BRANDON WITHOUT ANY NOTICE? YOUR SUPPOSED TO BE A TEAM TO FIND THESE DESIRABLES. HOW COME YOU HAVEN'T FOUND THEM ANYWAY? I THOUGHT I COULD COUNT ON YOU BOTH. YOU PROVED ME WRONG. NOW WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU, YOU WORTHLESS COW?! YOU BETTER NOT BE SLEEPING AROUND LIKE THE DESPERATE SEX CRAZED SLUT YOU ARE." that stung. So much. 

What could I say to that? I couldn't really say anything. My eyes were stinging with tears. They were threatening to spill down my cheeks but I couldn't let them. I'm strong. I'm strong. I was chanting through my mind as it was a mantra. I can't let him always get to me. People shouldn't be able to walk all over me and get away with it. It isn't right. But I guess it's just my life. This is how I'm destined to be like.

"WHERE ARE YOU, LOUISA RACHEL?! DO NOT MAKE ME REPEAT MYSELF." 

I find some courage from buried deep inside me and let the next few words fall out of my mouth with pure confidence. 

"You've already repeated yourself though."

"What?! DON'T SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT." 

"Freedom of speech." 

I can hear him gasp lightly and I can almost sense the anger bubbling inside him. I am so gonna get it when I come back to Canada. That is, if I go back. Do I want to leave Nathan after he's been the nicest any guy has ever been to me? No. Never.

"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!" he screams through the phone and I smirk in satisfaction that he is getting annoyed, angry and I'm not there to witness it. 

"Somewhere you are not." and I did the crazy brave thing, and hung up quickly on him before he could even think of another furious speech. 

Take that George. Woman power.

•••

"Hey, are you alright?" Nathan touched my cheek where it was lightly damp from a few tears I had let spill. I figured that letting some out means I won't be fighting against myself. I've done enough of that over the years already. I need to change. Start over a new leaf.

"Yeah. Better then I've ever been." I smile at him, and I genuinely mean my words. I feel almost free. I feel like I don't have to consciously watch my back all the time. I don't have to lie. I don't have to obey anyone. I just need to be me, Louisa Mckenzie Rachel. The real me. The one I thought I had lost years ago. She was only hiding. 

"I'm glad. Shall we carry on our date then? I don't really want it to end." Nathan holds out his had and I take it without a second thought, I press myself close to him as we walk, feeling emotions I forgot existed. 

I forgot what it's like to smile, and laugh uncontrollably and not care what others thinks of you. Since the age of 15, I changed myself so I could forget about the girl who used to be rejected by guys all the time. People didn't like the girl with large rimmed glasses and braces. When I had to move schools, I changed my image so that old me would stay behind in New York. Washington was the start of something new. A new me. I had my braces off, wore contacts, changed my style and attitude. My parents were disgusted by my behaviour, so they enrolled me to an all girls boarding school. Of course I didn't go there. I ditched that and went to the mixed boarding school, changing my name from Mckenzie Rachel, to Louisa Mckenzie Rachel. My mother was named Louisa; I wanted to wreck her perfect name. My parents were goodie too shoes as well, but they were also childhood sweethearts. I didn't have anyone who loved me like my father loved my mother; unlike her, I was alone in a cruel world. So when I changed, I got exactly what I wanted.

Attention. 

"I thought you would never ask." I say to him and before he led the way to wherever we were heading to, I pressed my lips softly onto his. It was different to what I was used to. It wasn't sloppy, drunken, intoxicated snogs. It was simple, sweet and it made my insides go all mushy. It was strange.