Song for chapter:
Girls/girls/boys- P!ATD
'I..dont wanna hear you have a boyfriend, Same time..your better off alone.'
-
Lily
8:25pm
THE SOUND OF my heels clicked against the hard marble floor and the sound of my heavy breathing was heard through out the walk to the kitchen. Once I was inside the brightly lit room, I immediately got out a cup and filled it with water.
The sound of someone coughing behind me caught my attentions and made me choke on my drink, I started coughing and it soon calmed down. "Where were you!? I've been worried and after you stormed out of the damn house, I went berserk lily!" I rolled my eyes and tried making my way out of the kitchen, only to be stopped by Grayson blocking the door.
"Get out of my way Grayson, I'm trying to go to bed damnit!" He scanned my face and his gaze fell to my neck. He furrowed his eyebrows and sniffed me, "were you drinking? And you have a fucking Hickey on your freaking neck!? What's going on lily?, why are you suddenly getting drunk and having-" I sighed and took a step back.
I crossed my arms and gave a glare, "why do you care Grayson? Its not like your paying any attention to me, and now suddenly you wanna know what's going on in my life!? So what if I'm drinking and having sex with someone! You pick up and throw away different kinds of girls all the time, so why can't I do the same thing!" His face softened and he tried walking closer but I picked up a hand, which stopped him.
He looked down at the ground in disappointment and shame, while I shook my head. "Lily, I'm tired of always fighting, Just talk to me and I'll understand why your hurting." I closed my eyes for a second and opened them with a tear falling down.
"But dont follow the same actions I'm doing, they arent ever going to bring you happiness do you hear me? I'm not happy, I'm fucked up on the inside and I cant deal with myself just please stop and-and think about this before you continue lily.." he was staring me dead in the eyes, holding onto my shakey hands.
I took a deep breath and wiped my tears, now mustering up the courage and assertiveness I needed to have from the beginning.
"You need to understand how i feel Grayson. I need space and im letting you know now, I'm going to be staying with Ethan for a few days. I'm sorry that we're fighting but its only because your changing and I'm not in a good headspace so please just try to be positive while I'm gone, let this be a time where you can think over everything and heal." He snapped his head up and furrowed his eyebrows.
"your not leaving me lily, you can't do that! Your suppose to be with me not Ethan! We're bestfriends, we're suppose to tell each other everything damnit and we can't even live in the same house without fighting every single time! What's going on?" I flinched and squeezed my eyes shut while my arms were up in defense.
I thought he was going to hit me for a second.
I felt my heart break for being friendzoned but brushed it away, "you don't understand, I don't wanna leave but I gotta have some space from you. I can't keep fighting after 17 years of being best friends, you can understand why im-" he interrupted me and yelled at me.
"YOU CANT JUST LEAVE! WHATEVER IS GOING ON HAS GOTTA BE COMMUNICATED BETWEEN US, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR HIDING BUT YOU NEED TO TELL ME!" I wiped my tears away and straightened my posture.
"I'm communicating with you now! You cannot and will not force me to tell you somthing I'm not comfortable or ready to tell you about. Do you understand me? This is exactly why i need space from you." I viciously argued.
"You know what, lily if you can look me in the eyes and tell me your leaving then I'll let you go." I closed my eyes real quick and once I opened then, I stared at him straight in the eyes and spoke with my voice cracking.
"I'm leaving Grayson, I'll be back next week or whatever time I feel like so try not to cry while I'm gone." I spoke with so much blankness and saw him break. His eyes started watering and he stared at me with hurt filling his face, I tried not to cry so I took a deep breath and quickly walked past him, just gently bumping into his shoulder.
a sob fall from my lips, I was shaking nervously while running up to my room to pack. I grabbed all my things and quickly left the house as fast as I could, Ethan was leaning against his car and playing on his phone while waiting for me and glanced my way once he heard the door shut.
"You need any help- woah what happened?" I broke down in his arms and felt him rubbing my back up and down. His warmth surrounding my cold body, I pushed myself away and threw my things into the car while getting in the passengers seat.
This is why you dont let me drink, it gets messy but Its like they always say, if you love someone then you have to let them go..
-
I
sat holding my legs to my chest while the covers were sprawled all over the empty bed. My puffy eyes now dry of tears and my body stiff from the position I was in.
I broke him, I broke him into tiny little pieces and he didn't even go after me. What kind of best friend would do such a thing to someone so special? I didn't even hesitate to leave that room and yet here I am, just crying continuously for something so dumb I did.
Its obvious that he needed me at that moment and I left anyways, I should have stayed and comforted him but how when I'm hurting more? All we do is fight and its all because he's changed, he changed because of his fear of falling in love and getting hurt again.
He doesn't love me, he never loved me! He must have only thought of me as a friend because that exactly what he told me the day of the kitchen, he told me I was his best friend not his lover or girlfriend!
How dumb was I to even think he loved me more then friends, I'm honestly disappointed in myself for even thinking I had a chance. I bet if I go over there, there's going to be some kind of slut sleeping with him and he's not even going to be happy when I arrive back.
I've been here at Ethan's for almost a month, which means I've had a lot of time to think and face Grayson. This is the most I've spent away from gray when we've had an argument and I couldn't have felt more empty in my entire life.
"Lily? Are you okay?" I snapped my head towards the direction Ethan was in and sighed, "i-im just thinking, do you think I could go back home and go see Grayson?" He smiled and nodded his head.
"You've finally come to your senses.."
I got up and packed my things, finally feeling a bit productive and hopeful.
I just hope we can talk like adults..
×××
Hope ya like :)
Love ya,
~M
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Jealous | G.D
Fanfiction"WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM! WHATS THE ONE THING YOU COULDNT TELL ME ALL THESE YEARS OF BEING BESTFRIENDS LILY!" He shouted and I couldn't help but blurt it out. "IM IN LOVE WITH YOU GRAYSON! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO HEAR?" I spat and he softened his f...
