Your POV
Cardi has bee pushing me away. I love her so much. So I made something for it. I walked on stage. I started talking. Cardi was here.
"It can be a bit off-putting if someone is clearly over-stepping your boundaries, so it's understandable if you want to cut things off with them. After all, it could be a warning sign.
However, some people push others away more often than seems obviously justified. Sometimes it can feel like somebody loses interest even though things were going perfectly.
If you feel someone pulling away once your relationship has started to get a little more serious, it could be because they have a fear of intimacy." I started.
"You're out on a date with your partner and you're supposed to be having a good time, holding hands, cuddling, and kissing them, but in your head you're thinking, maybe I'm doing this wrong, and checking yourself all the time," she said. "This anxiety is going to stop you from actually being intimate, because you've got all these standards you're raising for yourself, and that's going to sabotage it." I said
"However, at a deeper level, this fear is usually a result of what Neo calls our "stories."
"We are run by stories, and we don't know what kinds of assumptions rule us until we pause and reflect," she said.
"In therapy we call these stories 'core beliefs' ... but I say we are run by stories. It could be upbringing, it could be a difficult experience, or attachment, that can lead to stories about us, such as 'I'm not good enough,' 'I'm not worthy,' 'I'm unlovable.'"
When you are run by these stories, Neo said, it is very hard to be intimate, because intimacy requires vulnerability. If you always fear being unlovable or unworthy, you are always on your best behaviour, which translates to great standards, perfectionism, and anxiety. This means you cannot be vulnerable, and you cannot show who you really are." I said how I feel. "The last part is how I feel. And some of how my girlfriend. She thinks I don't notice. Well I do." I said.
