FADED ▷ Sam Winchester [2]

PREVIOUSLY

When I don't say anything for a while, Sam speaks up. He pulls a light out of his bag and holds it for me, giving that it is getting dark and I can't see well anymore. "Why?" He says after a while.

"I didn't think we'd work well together," I admit. Honestly, I still think this sometimes, I just never say anything about it. Hunters are supposed to be tough as nails, and I'm afraid I might not be. Sure, I attempt to be, on the outside, but I know I'm not really. I'm just good at hiding it. "You guys are a lot to live up to, y'know? I've heard the stories. I know you make mistakes, but I also know that you do a lot more good than bad."

I glance sideways at Sam, my hair sticking to my neck from the sweat, the callouses on my hands starting to ache. Sam is looking at me curiously, his eyes sad. I put my own eyes forward again. I don't want to be the reason he looks like that.

"There's a lot you guys don't know about me," I say. "I mean, I've done things. Things I can't forgive myself for. And I don't want to tell you guys, because I'm afraid you won't be able to forgive me either."

[]

    "—it was a long time ago, and Hell kind of screwed with my head." Sam is grabbing something from between the front seats, but he pauses his movements and looks up at me when I say this.

"What?" I say, not liking the look on his face. He shakes his head, finding whatever he needed in the middle and taking the key from the ignition.

"Nothing," he says. "I mean, I still can hardly believe that you went to Hell." I shrug.

"Well, desperate times," I say, stepping out of the car.

[]

"Chuck... he's throwing in the towel," Dean says. "He thinks that he's gonna trade himself for everything. That if he— gives himself up, Amara will leave us alone."