bittersweet ╱ lee daehwi

059 | narration

Daehwi (HWISSLES)

My tears filling my eyes, as I stare at my television.

This is not happening...

She passed away.

Pinilit kong bumangon para puntahan siya sa ospital. Hindi maaari, the news is just joking, right? Hindi...H-hindi siya mamamatay, magbabalikan pa kami diba? D-diba babalik siya sa'kin? D-diba gagawin pa namin 'yong mga ginagawa namin d-dati, d-diba?

I asked my driver to drive me to Geodae, we arrived at our destination after 20 minutes, but I was finally late, maraming tao sa ospital, marami ring nagkalat na mga media para interviewin ang nangyari. Hindi...

I went to E.R, not until her mom hugged me offhand. I put my hands over her back, shaking.

"Hindi ko matanggap..." she mumbled, trying to hold back her tears. I could hear her crack voice, filling out the corridor.

"Shhhh, auntie. Please don't cry, I know, it was a shocking incident." pinipigilan ko rin ang luha ko. F*ck these tears, please don't fall. Call me gay, but I f*cking wanna cry right now. After seventeen years, she has taken her life. It's so damn hurts for us, she is so young.

"She wrote you a letter, nakita ko siyang nagsusulat nito bago siya pumunta sa minibar."

"Minibar? Does it mean--"

"H-hindi ko alam kung ano ang pakay niya doon, basta ang alam ko, she often come to minibar, para uminom. I already t-told her not to come again dahil minor pa siya, pero ginawa niya pa rin. At saka, oo nga pala..." hindi niya natapos ang sasabihin niya matapos niyang punasan ang luha niya, I wiped the rest of her tears.

Binigay niya sa akin ang isang red envelope, una kong nakita ay ang picture naming dalawa na magkasama sa Jeju Island, nakadikit ito sa harapan ng sobre.

I still remember that 69th kiss, and after 10 days, we already broke up.

Maybe after I read this red letter, I would finally know why did she chose to broke up with me. My chest tightened, kinakabahan ako sa red letter na hawak-hawak ko ngayon.

Rest in Peace, babe.

Ako na talaga ang pinakamalas sa buong mundo. Nakipagbreak ka na nga, tapos g-ganito pa ang mangyayari?

Why did you leave me?

I snapped out of my thoughts, nang makita ko ang patak ng luha ko sa pulang sobre.

I'm indeed a gay.

Niyakap ko na langang pulang sobre sa dibdib ko habang nakatingin sa kawalan.