Our freedom flew away

Chapter two

'Where are you hurt, May?'

'My joints, all of them.'

'It's because of the leukemia,' the doctor says in an even tone. 'It's probably getting worse.'

'How much worse will it get?'

'I'm not sure, it might get unbearable, it might be easy to deal with, it really depends on how strong you mentally are, but I'll give you some morphine for now.' He got out the room to get the painkillers and left us alone again.'

'I don't want it to get worse,' she whispers. 'I don't want to die.' A tear escapes from her eyes and falls to the pillow.

'We don't want you to die,' I softly whisper, 'but you'll have to let you one day. You can't keep on battling ALL, not forever. But, you got to keep holding on and don't let go. You have been worse, at least that's what your mother told me.'

'Yeah, you're right, I guess I have been. The doctors never told me the same as they told me now though.'

'Don't give up, okay?'

'I won't.' The doctor walks back in the room, a needle in his hands. Even though she had to learn to live with the needles, she still is afraid of them. Nobody really knows why, not even her mother. Maybe there had been nurses who couldn't find a vein in her arm and hurt her. Maybe. There are so many things that I never got to ask May, so many little things about her that I miss. I can't complete the black and white May puzzle in my head if I don't have those pieces, I will never be able to finish it. No I won't, I think as I grab May's hand in mine and hold it securely as he needle enters the tube put in her arm and the fluid flushes into her veins.

'This should help you feel better soon,' the doctor says and smiles. 'You might feel a bit sleepy, but you don't have to be afraid. I didn't put the dose up or something. I bet you were tired before I gave you the painkiller.'

'Yeah, I was quite sleepy,' May says and yawns, 'I might sleep a bit.'

'That's a good idea,' I say, my voice sounds weak, sleepy. I feel numb; things I hear are coming from a distance. Every word gets stretched out into a dozen syllables. I feel like I'm going to collapse. I can feel myself getting weaker. Tears show up in my eyes. No breath. Even more pain. As suddenly as it came, it disappeared.

'Cassandra Arizona Night, I'm talking to you!' May says and my eyes focus again.

'Oh, sorry. What did you ask?'

'If you would mind laying next to me, I feel cold and want you to warm me up.'

'Okay,' I say and lay next to her. I'm not much warmer than she is, but yet she seems to relax as we both drift off into sleep.

We both wake up as the doctor walks in, at first he seems surprised, but then he smiles.

'You know we can't really allow that, as a hospital,' he says, 'but I won't tell the others about it. Are you excited to go home, May?'

'Yes, absolutely,' she says and smiles her heartwarming smile; my favorite. 'I can't wait to be home again. I have missed them all, my parents, friends, daughter and my fiancée, even thought the most of them visited me frequently.'

'I can understand that,' the doctor says, 'let's give you a quick check up, shall we?' As the doctor helps May in a wheelchair and drives her off, I start packing her stuff. She hasn't brought with her, only a couple of books, her mp3 and a picture of the three of us; May, Danielle and I in the playground. She looks healthier on the picture, so do I. Danielle looks young. That was the day before it all got serious, before I started to feel worse. Before I was dying for the first time. In my history, I have been so weak that I could almost touch my grave, but I got back every time. I got stronger. Yes, fighting was hard and I did want to die a couple of times, but I fought back and survived. Now it was May's time to do the same. A thought crossed my mind, what if she didn't want to get better? She had been fighting for a long time and she had fought the same battle for two times now. Before, bone marrow was an option, it could help her, but now, it wasn't anymore. Maybe she was tired of living this way, constantly being scared that the leukemia came back. Maybe, dying seemed like a good way to get rid of this mess. May came back, a wide smile on her face. She shoved back in bed and told me to come and sit next to her.