Castles in the Sand (Stephen Colbert)

Chapter 4

I had started having lunch in my classroom each day, not only did it mean I could avoid Stephen but it also allowed me to get some extra work done. My efforts had been successful, I'd only run into him occasionally between classes or when I was arriving or leaving for the day. I'd avoid conversation with a determined walk, just offering him a nod or a small wave on my way past.

Things weren't better but they were controlled. I didn't want or need to be fostering feelings for a married man, on top of my ever-present anxiety. I poured a generous shot of vodka into a bottle of cola I'd bought for lunch – I was still working on my eating habits. It was reckless drinking between classes, but I justified it to myself,there was a lot to keep a lid on.

This would all blow over soon, I hoped.

In the midst of my self medication a few of my students wandered in from lunch early. I put my cola away and took my feet off the desk. This was the downside of taking my break here.

"What's up guys?" A friendly greeting, I could turn it on when I needed to.

One of the kids, Caleb, walked up to my desk, the others sat down at theirs.

"Hey Miss Woods, did you see these?"

He dropped a flyer in front of me, I picked it up and quickly scanned it. I'd forgotten another unavoidable aspect of a school environment, the events. There was apparently a Fall dance planned and I would rather have faced a room full of angry parents alone than go to it.

"What do you think?" He added and then turned to face the few filled seats in the class, "I know a few ladies that I might be interested in asking." he confidently declared.

I watched them smirk and roll their eyes.

"That's lovely, sit down thank you Caleb." I replied in a firm but amused tone.

I stood up to write a few things on the board when the rest of the class began to dribble in from lunch. Stephen walked down the hall outside my room, he caught my eye for a split second but didn't stop. I couldn't decide if I'd wanted him to or not.

*****

I had made time that afternoon to see Principal Evans to seek approval for an idea, a field trip for one of my classes. His assistant was on the phone when I arrived, but she smiled politely and gestured that it was alright for me to go through.

I pulled some notes out of my bag as I walked into the office, quickly looking them over, and turned to close the door behind me.

"Ah, Miss Woods!"

I froze, that was not the voice I had expected to hear.

"I apologize, but Michael had to leave early today, I hope this is something I can help with?"

Stephen was looking up at me. He had paused, pen in hand over some paperwork, while he talked. He adjusted his glasses, and God, he was smiling at me again. I walked a couple of steps toward the desk and stopped, "Actually, I.. I don't think.." I tripped over my words, my hands shook; I was in a visible state of discomfort as I tried to pull a coherent sentence together, "I'll come back another time." I backed up and turned to leave.

"Lana," gentle, concerned.

My skin bristled, he'd never used my first name, it sounded too familiar when he spoke it, his voice was too soft, too.. loving. I heard him stand and walk around the desk toward me, I faced him with great hesitation. He stepped slowly, awkwardly, as though I were a bird that might fly away if he wasn't careful.

"If.. I've done something, anything to upset you I.." he took another step, now only inches between us, "Please.. you can talk to me."

He was so worried, worried that he'd hurt me, worried about my problems. They weren't his burden, I didn't want him to take them on. I didn't want his concern, or compassion, or understanding. I didn't want him to care, I wanted him to walk away. I should have walked away, this was all wrong.

I couldn't meet his eyes, so I looked anywhere else. I noticed the way the tweed jacket he wore broadened and squared his shoulders. The way the knot in his tie, a four in hand, was centered perfectly at the base of his throat. I looked at his neck, and the way his shirt collar hugged it. I admired the line of his jaw and the waiting fullness of his lips. He swallowed nervously; my pulse spiked. The air was thick between us, it felt like swimming through sand;difficult to breath or think.

I could feel him watching, silently begging me to look up just a little higher, though I dared not. I knew I shouldn't, I knew what he was searching for and that he'd find it. I valiantly resisted but for one, single moment of weakness; an instant later the soft warmth of his kiss pressed with urgency against my mouth. His arms encompassed me, pulling me in, and one hand slid around to clasp the back of my neck; mine remained tensed at my sides. The kiss was politely restrained, but I could sense that there was much more he wanted from me, and I willed him to take it. I thought of lying naked beneath him as he moved inside me, my lips at his ear would whisper his name. I didn't want him to stop... I didn't want him to stop. My eyes shot open and when I gently pushed away, he released me. We stepped back from one another, gasping for air, my head was a fogged mess of confusion.

"I.. I'm sorry." He was shattered, panicked.

I couldn't look at him. I had to get out.

I said nothing, just left as quickly as I could, out of the office and past the receptionist, ignoring the strange look she gave me.

I was shaking when I got to my classroom, heaping student assignments and paperwork together and then gathering them in my arms. It was Friday, I still had a class left to teach but I couldn't face that right now. Get out, get out of the building, that's all the scattered fragments of thought were telling me. I walked blindly down the hall toward the stairs, fighting back the tsunami of emotion that threatened to break over me.

"Lana, stop.. please."

No. I could hear confusion in his voice, he was desperate to talk; I didn't care. I tried to step around him, then I felt his hands on my shoulders. I met his eyes with a frown, blinking back tears and pulling out of his hold. There were people around, I needed to keep it together a little longer.

"I.. I'm sorry, something's come up, I have to leave. You'll need to find someone to cover my last class."

I felt him watching helplessly from the top of the stairs as I descended. Good.

I sat in my car for what felt like a long time not knowing what to do. Then it was as though I blinked and found myself home. I had no recollection of leaving, of driving; nothing except that kiss. It branded my memory and still hung on my lips.