Chapter 2: Cheesy Pick-Up Lines

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How did I get myself in a situation like that?

I used to be known as Damien Nein, the richest boy in the Upper East Side. Charm, good lucks, and a flair for the written word? I had it all.

The day this story begins, I’m cruising down the street with a hot girl in each arm. That’s how I roll.

My feathery-light hair swept back, Ray-Ban sunglasses to protect my delicate green eyes – let me be honest with you: I’m the finest specimen of humanity you’d ever meet in New York.

“Damien, I think I forgot my wallet in the restaurant,” Pepper whines as she stops dead in her tracks, pulling my arm back. “Can you go back and get it?”

I don’t normally take this needy bullshit from her. She’s always testing how far she can push me, as if that’ll make me like her more than Mint, my other girlfriend.

Fortunately for floppy, airy Pepper, I want to go back and get that cute waitress’s number anyway.

“Sure, but you know you owe me a favour now,” I say with a wink. Never let a good opportunity go to waste.

I check my phone for messages as I make my way back to La Prep. Missed call from Kristel, Huda, and Amy. 2 texts from Kevin, that snake. If his mom wasn’t my dad’s whore on the side, I wouldn’t even give him…wait, what’s this? An unknown number just sent me a text:

www.dafk.net/what/

What the fuck? There’s such a thing as spam texts now? I send a quick reply:

Who is this?

Not even 2 seconds later, I get another text from the mysterious spammer:

This is your legacy: www.dafk.net/what/

Now I’m curious, but business first. I pop back in La Prep and grab a seat, nodding at the same waitress who was serving us earlier. I give her my most dazzling smile. Aim.

“Hey, it’s me again.”

She gives me a shy smile. “Back for your friend’s wallet?” She puts it down on the smooth, dark wooden table in front of me.

“Yeah, thanks a lot! I like how honest you are.” Wink, wink. There’s the blush spreading across her pinchable cheeks.  Cute.  “But let me be honest with you too. I’m kind of lost and I need to ask you for directions.”

“Sure. Where do you need to go?”

“Isn’t it obvious? I need directions to your heart.” Shoot.

She starts giggling and then full-out laughing and I join her.

“Does that ever work for you?” she asks.

“I would never use that line for anyone else who doesn’t have the perfect combination of cute and sexy like you.” I smirk. Yeah, I got this in the bag.

“Isn’t that another line from a movie? I only give out directions to people with a little originality.”

“Here’s a line for you.” I stand up and take a pen out of my pocket. Grabbing a napkin from the table, I start writing down my number. “Tonight, I’m going to sit in my room, staring at the TV and waiting for your call. Don’t break my heart, okay?” I smile at her and walk right out of the door. Bull’s eye.

If that chick gives me a call with that line of bull I just fed her, I’ll know I’m definitely Casanova, reincarnated.

“Hey, wait!” I hear her calling me back. That didn’t take long!

“I thought you were gonna make me wait all night!” I say as she walks towards me.

“Actually, you just forgot your friend’s wallet. And your napkin fell in the garbage.” She gasps. “Do you hear that?”

“What?”

“I hope that’s not the sound of your breaking heart.” She grins, turns around, and walks away.

Wooooow. That girl must be near-sighted, mentally handicapped, or just plain stupid.

Taking a deep breath, I remind myself that I’ve got better things to do.

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