Princess (Ziam)

Restart

Sorry this chapter is a bit late. It's just been a very hard day for me, but I'm updating so yay! 😊

Now, I am very exhausted, so I'm going to sleep now, but please enjoy, loves. ❤

Chapter 86:

     It was the start of a new school week, and it seemed to begin like every other week of school, only this time, I would be going without Zayn by my side. Yes, it was another school week, but while I continued at a regular high school, Zayn would be going to Rosewood for the first time.

    I thought about him as I got dressed for the day. He was sitting on his bed and looking down at his class schedule that he found online. I think he was doing his best to try and memorize it so that he had some sort of comfort throughout the day-- some type of constant.

    I was in the restroom, brushing my teeth and rinsing my mouth before I stopped for a moment. With the door shut, I did something I haven't done in a while. I looked in the mirror.

     I started at my abdomen, looking at the skin around my stomach area and seeing that it was relatively clear. There were no black and blue marks that littered my skin-- only scars that would slowly fade but never be removed. I trailed my finger over a couple of the scars and flinched as the memory of how I obtained each one came back to me in a rush. There were slashes and hits and blood. So much blood.

    I quickly snapped out of my thoughts, not being able to take it anymore. I gave out a shaky breath, suddenly feeling terrified about looking anywhere else, about facing myself in the mirror, but I had to. I took in a few deep breaths and let them out slowly, trying to regulate my breathing as well as my speeding heartbeat. Finally, I lifted my eyes to my chest and neck area.

    The first thing I noticed was the marks that would forever be on my skin from the burns on my neck. They were round, discolored, and downright hideous to look at. The marks would always be there, and even if they almost blended into my skin color, they were still off by a few shades. They seemed to glisten with the light from the ceiling, and it was a mocking sort of glow.

     I thought back to when Zayn first found out about them, how angry he was before he calmed me down, pressing kisses to the marks and showing just how much he cared. Why didn't I realize how quickly I was falling then? Why wasn't I ashamed in that moment when, staring at them now, I felt waves of shame and disgust wash over me. They were an unsightly part of me. I hated them.

     I blinked away the tears of insecurity and self-hatred out of my eyes, trying to maintain any ounce of strength that I had. It was hard, but I managed to pull my eyes away from the burns and looked at my own face.

     The first thought I had was that my features, they were okay, but they were nothing compared to Zayn's. He was beautiful and seemed like definite model material while I had several flaws.

    My lips were a dull pink color, they weren't very full at all, and they were chapped. My cheekbones were clearly unnoticeable, and I looked tired no matter what I did or how early I slept. Finally, I looked myself in the eyes, and I didn't recognize the look in them. Was it fear? Doubt? Maybe I was just lost. Because I really didn't know what I was doing in this world, and I really didn't know where to go now that Rosewood was no longer an option; now that I didn't have Zayn by my side at school.

     I jumped as soon as I heard a knock on the door, and I quickly finished getting dressed before opening it and seeing Zayn standing there. He looked at me with uncertainty and concern. I guess we were both feeling a little anxious about this.

     "Are you sure you're going to be okay today? I don't... I don't have to go to Rosewood," Zayn said, almost seeming as if he was begging me to say that I needed him. The truth is, I felt like I did, but he couldn't run away from his dreams because of fear. He's done that for far too long.