short stories // jenlisa

why

{ in which lisa is just like me, yeah. }

lisa sits in a dark room, a dim light shone on her desk as she stares blankly at a book. not just any book, but an old, crumpled diary which lisa kept for years.

it was just like her heart, worn out and struggling to keep itself intact.

lisa's fingers trembled as she runs them across every page, her eyes scanning pass the words and her breath shaky from crying.

oh, a tear drop stain.

she chuckled coldly, and tries to flatten the raised circle on the page before moving on.

jennie kim,
i'm scared.
why is my heart
beating so fast?

"because you're an idiot, lisa." she mumbles, another warm tear trickling down her cheeks and marking its new spot on the book.

ohmygod i'm going crazy
for you.
did you have to caress my hands
this softly
when you hold them?

"it meant nothing though, idiot."

"lisa, you smell good."
i'll never forget
your tight grip around my waist
and how you pressed your cheeks
against my shoulder.
god, is this even normal?

"forget those, you sound stupid."

[ jennie ]
even your name is perfect.
your eyes, the right shade of brown
and your lips,,, fuck my life.

"yeah, fuck your life."

i think i love you.

"well that took you long enough to realise."

please stop falling sick
i can't bear to see
you being in pain.

"why did you care so much.." lisa sighs as she puts down her diary and drags her feet aimlessly around her room. her sleeves were soaked and her eyes were swollen — maybe from crying, or maybe because she hasn't slept properly in days.

and maybe she should sleep, because it's four in the morning and she has to get up in an hour. but instead, lisa finds herself back on her desk, picking up the diary from where she'd just left it.

the way you held my hands,
the way you snuggled up
right beside me
and your gaze which pierces
right through me,
didn't they mean anything to you?
or was i just caught up
in my own fantasy?

sniff, sniff.

flips.

oh, you're straight.
but it's okay,
i'll just
be your best friend
who hugs you
and blows you playful kisses.
maybe as a joke, but most likely,
not.
good luck with him though!

sighs.

lisa starts to realise that she should really be sleeping now, because her eyelids were threatening to give up on her, and it's impossible for the girl to survive a whole day of school with zero sleep.

but it's already five, and nothing is going well for lisa.

she puts herself through the torturous mornings in class.

mornings, ah, what a sweet memory. mornings with jennie were the best, because the said girl had the brightest smile and the warmest good mornings.

it wasn't until jennie started to sit next to him in the mornings, completely forgetting the unspoken promises to spend mornings together with lisa.

everywhere with jennie feels like pure hell for lisa, her insides burning with love and hate at the same time. maybe anger, and maybe jealousy.

but none of this matters, because in a swift second lisa finds her fingers laced together with jennie's, and once again she's plunging deep down into the trap she tried so hard to free herself from.

then lisa notices, that jennie grabs onto her hands while her eyes desperately follows him.

her touches turned cold.
maybe because i finally see
that it's only friendship,
and not love.
but why does it still
burn every inch of me?

she wants to let go, she's desperately trying to, she knows it's going to hurt her if she holds on.

she knows, but it's not easy.

not at all.

because it feels like,

her heart is being ripped apart at every string attached.

it's not possible to let go, and lisa falls in love over and over again each time her gaze meets jennie's warm ones.

so,
when will this cycle end?
i'm sick of hurting,
you give me so much pain
and so much happiness
at the same time.
but i know,
that in the end
it's you who keeps my heart locked,
in somewhere cold.
it will always be you.

;

[ a/n: this was supposed to be a happy ending but my sadistic ass had to come and slap it away sigh,, goodnight ]