Toxic Valentine (Kellic) - boyxboy

Chapter 18: We All Fall Down

Kellin takes a deep shaky breath then smiles at me.

"Thank you." he says gratefully.

"You're very welcome." I murmur, handing him his food.

He begins eating again, his mood seeming to have improved miraculously.

"Tomorrow is a brand-new day." I tell him. "You ready to get out of bed?"

He smiles and hugs me.

"I am. Thank you."

I hug him back tightly, just enjoying being so close to him. We hold each other for longer than we should and Kellin's blushing madly as we pull away. I can't help but to think about how adorable he is. He really is beautiful.

"We should go to a club tomorrow." I blurt out, just trying to distract myself from my own thoughts. "We can have a few drinks, dance, meet some new people, just have fun. You really need to get out of this house."

"You don't drink." Kellin says confused.

I chuckle a little at that.

"Yeah, after last time I drank, I kinda realized I'm not going to turn into Andy." I blush.

He smiles a little at me and brushes his fingers against my cheek.

"I think going out would be fun." he agrees.

"Great! I haven't been out for years." I admit.

"Me neither." Kellin confesses with a laugh.

"Well I look forward to it." I beam.

Kellin puts his bowl to the side, having finished and then he surprises me by cuddling up to my side. I put my arms around him, pulling him closer to me. He needs comfort and I just like being close to him so it's a win-win.

"I'm sorry for being so miserable lately." He apologizes.

"Don't be. I've been there. You picked me up when I was down. I'll try to do the same for you." I smile.

"You're too good to me." he whispers.

"Kell, believe it or not but you're supposed to be treated nicely." I chuckle, humor in my tone despite the seriousness of my words.

"It's funny," Kellin starts. "I thought the way Calvin treated me was nice. I was flattered every time he told me I was lucky to be with him and now that I look back on that, it just shows how narcissistic he was. He should have been thinking that he was lucky to have me. I mean, I've never been in a relationship like that, so correct me if I'm wrong."

"No, you're definitely right. I can't believe he didn't realize how lucky he was to have you." I frown and Kellin blushes.

"After having that phone call with Calvin, I've been thinking a lot about our relationship. I couldn't understand why he was so nice on the phone but so violent and cold towards me at other times. Then I thought back to every time he's ever beaten me and how he'd make me believe that he would never hurt me again just so I wouldn't leave him. And then I thought about the night he raped me. I thought that I left him because what he did was so horrible but I've thought about it and it wasn't what he did that made me leave, it was that he passed out and didn't have the chance to manipulate me. I don't doubt that if he had consoled me after he did that then I wouldn't be here right now."

Kellin pauses for a second he seems like he's really trying to collect his thoughts so I stay silent as he does so.

"I don't think he loves me." he breathes. "And this past week I've been trying to come to terms with that. I devoted so much of my life and myself to someone who didn't feel the same way. I was willing to devote the rest of my life to him. He didn't love me and I realize that now. He just loved controlling me. I don't even think he realizes it himself. I think he truly believes that he loves me. But you were right, you don't hurt the people that you love."

When Kellin finishes, I can't help but to smile at him proudly and to feel a little prideful myself. I'm so glad he's finally realized that and I'm glad that I was a part of helping him come to that realization.

"Do you still love him?" I don't think about how rude and intrusive that question is before I ask it.

He seems to have no problem with answering it though.

"I don't think so. I mean, I still have feelings for him obviously. But as I realize how bad he treated me, I begin to see him more and more as a bad person. I can't help that I care about him but I don't want him to be in my life anymore. But it's not even these realizations that made me question whether I love him. It was my last hospital trip when I initially had suspicions that I had fallen out of love with him. I don't know why it was that specific time that made me stop loving him. I don't know. Maybe when I hit my head, it knocked some sense into me." He laughs a little at the last part and my pride for him increases.

"You're going to find someone who will love you like you deserve to be loved, Kell." I tell him.

He looks up at me and there's a glimmer of something in his eyes but I don't know what it is.

"I hope so." He whispers.

"Just promise me that you'll never let yourself get stuck again. If a guy ever hurts you, or even scares you, you run and you don't look back." I tell him.

"I promise if you do." He smiles.

I chuckle and smile a little at his compassion.

"I promise." I murmur.

I give into a small urge and kiss his forehead. I really need to stop doing that. I'm definitely overstepping a line there. We end up spending the rest of the night just talking and cuddling and soon he falls asleep in my arms.

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On the topic of the story, anyone have any Valentine's Day plans? It's a week away now😅