I don't know why am I writing this,
I only need my feelings to let go.
My fingertips felt sleep
when my heart couldn't resist the pain.
Am I real?
I'm agonizing.
I saw a movie last night and
it destroyed me,
the gift of having multiplied emotions.
Every word is like a knife in my neck
and my blood is a flood
in my chest.
I need shelter. I'm needy.
I can't handle this roller coaster
alone.
I'm a leech, please don't leave me,
I won't.
But wait,
life is a candy!
And I'm the sweetest bubblegum,
watch me fly.
Everything is so soft,
and I'm full of life.
Nothing will
ruin me.
But wait.
Wait.
I hate you, I wanna throttle you
with my own hands.
No,
no.
What did I say?
I need you.
But wait,
wait,
I don't even know what I'm saying,
is my pain even real?
Am I even real?
This feels like a movie
played on a DVD that you cannot pause.
All I need is some distraction
or something that makes me feel something
or something to punish me.
Blood,
fire in my throat,
whatever.
It's alright — but wait.
It's a matter of time,
maybe a minute
will revive me
or bury me.
I don't believe in my beliefs,
I don't know who I am,
who you are.
Am I sick? It can't be possible.
I'm just "stupid."
But wait,
wait.
Always waiting
for nothing,
for stability,
for shelter,
for another stumble.
It's just a matter of time.
