When I Return || Perrentes

Chapter 21: Even If It's a Lie

Tony woke at God knows what time, needing a drink of water. His head was hurting and his throat was sore.

He crept out of bed and out of the room as silently as possible, careful not to wake Mike, who snored softly, pulling the door to behind him so the light wouldn't wake him either. Quiet, he tiptoed down the hall, but slowed when he saw the living room light on, and stopped when he heard voices in there. Cassadee and Rian were both awake, speaking softly, but loud enough for Tony to hear.

"...it has been nice," Cassadee was saying quietly. "Having them all here, I mean."

"It has," Rian replied. "But you know what happens now, don't you?" There was a silence. "We have to go back to normal."

"Not until they're home," Cassadee said quickly, voice so small and meek it didn't even sound like her. "Not until they're safe again."

"Why are you doing this, Cass?" Rian asked, and there was another silence. "Why are you delaying it? It's inevitable."

"Why don't you even care?" She said, sharper this time. "I'm not exactly looking forwards to this, you know."

"Don't care? Our marriage is ending, Cassadee, you can bet your ass I care about it. But I know it's going to happen. We're just postponing it."

"So what? We go through with it all as soon as they've gone and I take off to Nashville? What if they stop in on the way back, what are you going to tell them?"

There was a long silence that stretched between them, and there wasn't the sound of any movement. Tony stayed well back, tucked into the shadows, out of sight. "Maybe you're right," he heard Rian mutter eventually. "I just feel so bad lying to them. They're our charges, and it's like abusing their trust. I'm astonished we've even managed to keep it quiet, and they haven't noticed."

"Well, they see what they want to see," Cassadee muttered, and there was a pause.

"What's that face for?"

"What face?"

"That face. What...oh God, Cassadee. Who did you tell?"

There was another long silence, and Cassadee didn't reply, so Rian had to speak again. "Jaime? Vic?"

"...Tony."

"Oh!" Rian scoffed, laughing without humour. "Yep, great idea, land the most vulnerable out of all of them with the soul shattering secret! For the love of God, Cass, what were you thinking?"

"I don't know," she whispered, and her voice broke. "It just came out. I've been holding it in for so long."

"So have I! And I haven't said a word to them, have I? How could you do that? To that poor kid, who already comes from a family that beat up his mind as much as his body, tell him two of the people who give him a little faith to believe in love are breaking up? Yep. Smart move."

"I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologising to me? It's Tony who could do with undoing the knowledge. Haven't you been watching at all? That boy needs serious psychological help and your response to that is to land him with another trauma? That's selfish."

"Don't," she said, suddenly sharp again. Her voice choked. "Don't call me selfish, Rian. I'm an idiot and a fool, but I'm not selfish. I regretted it the moment I said it, you don't think I wished I could take back every word?"

"It's a bit late for that, isn't it, though?" Rian said bluntly, and he sounded like he was crying too. "It's a bit late for all of it, really."

"I really didn't mean to," she continued, breath shaking. "I'm just...I feel like I'm going to explode, keeping all this inside. I'm always on the verge of breaking down. This not telling anyone business..."