Average Jane |Lesbian Story|

Chapter 22

Jane prayed the same. If Lucy did not win, Jane would live with this enormous guilt for the rest of her life.

Jane stood alone, watching the other girls shoot baskets. Twenty feet from her, Emily stood alone, watching them, too. Across the blacktop, Lucy sat alone, scribbling in her notebook. They formed three points of a triangle, a triangle of losers.

Right that minute, though, Lucy didn't look like a loser. A small smile played about her lips. She gazed up thoughtfully at the gray, gloomy sky as if searching for poetic inspiration in the low, snow-threatening clouds. Maybe she was thinking about her next award-winning poem. Had she gone out last night with her parents to celebrate her first prize in the National Poetry Writing Contest?

Jane couldn't stand it. She caught Dany's eye and formed her hands in a T. Dany tossed the ball to another kid. Jane walked up to Charlie where he was standing.

"What's up?"

"This contest thing," Jane said before she could change her mind. "You guys haven't told Lucy about it yet, have you? I mean, that it's all fake?"

Charlie shook his head. "She just got the prize letter two days ago."

"I've been thinking," Jane said desperately. "I don't think we should tell her." She had wanted to tell Lucy before, so she wouldn't fall for the joke, but now that she had fallen for it, Jane couldn't bear the thought of her disappointment. "Why not let her go on thinking she won something? At this point, telling her – it's too mean."

Jane had expected Charlie to look disgusted, but he looked almost relieved.

"Yeah. I was thinking kind of the same thing. But don't we have to tell her? I mean, she's going to find out, anyway, sooner or later. Some teacher or somebody will try to look the contest up and find out that it doesn't exist."

Jane scanned the blacktop. She saw Mary talking to Jonas by the bike racks and waved them over. Then she made herself repeat her speech. It came out easier the second time, but right away she could tell that it wasn't going to work as well on these two as it had on Charlie.

"So you do like Lucy," Mary said, her eyes sparkling with satisfaction. Jane could practically see her plotting how best to use this knowledge to her own advantage.

No, I don't. Jane was about to say automatically. But it was too much of a lie. It wasn't that she was in love with Lucy Adams, the way she was with her, or the way Jane was with Ms. Anderson. But she did like her. Lucy was smart. She was more talented than all the rest of them put together. She was even pretty, in her own odd kind of way.

Jane took a deep breath. "What if I do? Anyway, whether or not l like Lucy isn't the issue right now. Telling her – it's just too mean, that's all."

"We wouldn't want to be mean to Jane's girlfriend, would we?" Jonas asked, snickering in amusement.

"Look," Mary said as if patiently explaining a simple fact to a small child. "We have to tell her. It'd be meaner not to, in a way. We can't let her think it's for real. She's not a great poet. She might as well face the truth. Somebody has to help her deal with it."

The tone of false concern for Lucy in Mary's voice made Jane sick.

"You're really going to tell her?" she demanded.

"Somebody has to," Mary said.

Jane took a deep breath. "Then I'm going to do it."

"When?" Mary sounded alarmed.

"Now."

The others watched in silence as Jane slowly walked over to where Lucy was sitting, her notebook still opened in her lap. Jane sat down on the curb next to her.

"Lucy?"

She looked up and smiled at her.

Jane plunged on.

"The contest you won? The poetry contest? There isn't any. It was all a prank. It was a fake, a joke. Jonas and Charlie and Mary..." she hesitated. But if she was telling the truth, she was telling the whole truth. "And I – involved in it. They thought it up as a trick to play on you. I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry. I know you probably hate me now, and you should hate me. I hate myself. All I can say is, I'm so sorry."

Lucy stared at Jane as if she didn't understand what she was saying. But seeing the seriousness in Jane's eyes, Lucy then hid her face in her hands and began to cry.

What was Jane supposed to do now?

She reached out awkwardly and put her hand on her shoulder. Lucy shook it off and went on crying.

Jane wanted to comfort Lucy, to hold her, but she was too ashamed. She looked away, wanting to look anywhere but at Lucy. Suddenly she saw Grace Anderson, standing across the blacktop as she had the first day, watching the two of them. She couldn't have overheard their conversation, but she could see that Lucy was terribly upset. So now she knew. Jane wasn't a scientist or a hero. Jane hadn't won the science fair. She was just another mean bully who had broken Lucy Adams's heart.