Hanjoo - Why Would You Do That To Me?

Chapter 3

That morning, since we actually have a schedule, I have to get up early again. I look around and see that only Hojoon was still in bed. I look at our bathroom door, and it was open, so I decided that I take a shower. I get some clothes from my closet and a towel from the bathroom closet, and I start the water. I close the door, lock it, then start to strip.

I stepped into the shower and started to wash. Until it came to washing my body. I looked down and saw the most disgusting thing ever. My belly. Yeah, ugly, aren't you? That's what we've been trying to tell you! Finally, you listen! Dang it! I thought the voices would take a break today! After that, they keep on annoying me. I finally give in and grab the razor I use to shave, then I make a few cuts on both arms while sobbing.

Then, right before I was about to make another cut I hear a voice from outside, "Hansol hurry the f*** up! Other people have to take showers, here!" It was B-Joo of course it was. Wow! We knew he hated you but not this much! He thinks you're so ugly there's no point in bathing yourself! That's not what he said Hansol, don't listen! I yell back, "Sorry, I'm finishing up!" and put the blade back where I got it after washing it off.

I wash off my wrists, body, and hair, then I turn off the water. I step out of the water and dry myself, then I put fresh gauze on my wrists, get dressed, and then I open the bathroom door slowly. I finally open it enough to be able to see B-Joo, and my fears came true. He was glaring at me the whole time as I made my way to the dirty-clothes basket in the corner. He then scoffs and makes his way into the bathroom.

I check to see if Hojoon is up, and he's not in his bed anymore so I know he's already up. I decide that I will go into the living room to ask P-Goon what today's schedule is. I grab my phone, which was charging, off my bed and head out. When I get to the living room, everyone except B-Joo, A-Tom, and Gohn are in the room.

I wave at them and say, "Hey P-Goon, what's today's schedule?" He looks up at me and says, "Oh, today we just have like, five interviews, with a lunch break after the first three, so we can just wear whatever." "Ok, thanks!" I reply. I was making my way over to the bean bag again when the voices decide to interrupt my walk saying, you really want to sit in the bean bag? You'll make it sink all the way to the floor and everyone will know how fat you are! Actually, go ahead, they already know that!

When they started speaking, I had frozen and I now realized that Jenissi, Yano, Kidoh, Hojoon (who was showered btw), and Sangdo were all staring at me. "Hannie, are you ok?" Hojoon asked me. I nodded my head at him. Jenissi then added, "Hansol, are you sure?" I nodded, "Hansol, are you not going to eat breakfast today as well?" P-Goon, who looked at me as well, asked. I just replied with, "I haven't had much of an appetite lately. P-Goon just squinted and nodded at me. Then he went back to scrolling through his phone. Everyone else had continued doing their own thing a while ago.

I decided, since I got bored and we weren't leaving until another 20 minutes later, that I would scroll through social media. Bad idea. I had a lot of haters, and the hate comments seemed to be the only ones my eyes were drawn to. When I started to get upset, I looked up B-Joo's name and was looking at posts about him. Then Hanjoo pictures started to show up as well.

I hadn't noticed that the other three were in the room already, and I only realized it when I heard B-Joo say, "Wow Hansol, I knew you were in love with me, but I didn't know you were a stalker! You're even looking at Hanjoo pictures! Just forget about it, Hansol, it's never going to happen!" I looked up from my phone and just stared at B-Joo, my eyes wide and my mouth hanging down, as well as there being tears in my eyes. Just as I was about to let the tears loose, the manager walked in, and I had to compose myself quickly. I wiped my eyes and closed my mouth. I locked my phone screen and turned to face the manager. Luckily, he was on his phone, so hopefully he didn't see any of that. I definitely don't want him to know about one of his member crushing on someone who hates him.

"Ok, are you guys ready to go?" their manager asks them. Most of the members chorused out a variation of, "yeah," while the others just nodded their heads. Hansol was one of those people. "Ok then, let's go!" The manager said then walked out the front door. The members got up and followed him out to their vans. There wasn't really a certain van that each member got in, it was more like which order they got out of the house in, so usually it was pretty random. But, most of the time there was members who wanted to sit by certain members, like Jenissi and Xero, and used to be Hansol and B-Joo.

Hansol decided that he wanted to sit with Xero, so he ran over to him and asked him if that was alright. Xero said it was fine and they jumped in the van in front. B-Joo ended up in this van as well, in the seat directly in front of Hansol. Hansol noticed how B-Joo wouldn't look at him, and it made him a little upset, so he laid his head on Xero's shoulder. The voices didn't help his mood either.

He won't even look at you you're so ugly! He even thinks you're a stalker! You heard him, just forget about it, because there is absolutely no way he will ever want to date you! Hansol bit back the tears. He felt Xero's hand move up to his hair and start playing with it. Xero's the best friend Hansol could ask for right now. When they arrived at the place they were having their interview, Hansol got out of the van with Xero and they walked inside.

**Time Skip**

They were done with their third interview and it was time for lunch. Hansol had no idea what he was going to do. If he ate, he would get fat, but if he didn't eat, the other members might get suspicious. What do you mean if you ate you would get fat? You already are fat! Just shut up! Hansol was getting sick of the voices. They wouldn't leave him alone all through the interviews, it was starting to get to him. He needed his release, he needed his razor. But it was at home.

But anyway, back to the eating problem. They were on their way to a salad café at the moment, and Hansol was mentally freaking out. He didn't know what to do, so he looked it up on the internet. He typed 'What to do if you don't want to eat anymore' and he read through a few things before a certain answer caught his eye, 'Eat so no one suspects anything, and then just throw it all up right after so you don't actually digest it and you don't gain fat. Trust me, this works. ;-)'

It seemed reasonable enough, and by the time they arrived at the café, Hansol had already decided that he was going to do it. He ordered his usual salad and sat down next to Xero. He ate his salad and the others ate their food, and it was completely silent. Then, once people started finishing, they started chatting. After that, mostly everyone was finished and just waiting for the tome to start heading to the next place.

Hansol checked his phone for the time and saw that there was still about 30 minutes before they had to leave. He decided that if he was going to do it then now was as good a time as ever. He excused himself and walked to the bathroom, already kind of queasy from the thought of making himself throw up. He walked into a stall, locked the door and sat down in front of the toilet.

He stuck his finger in his mouth, and back to the very back of his throat. His gag reflex immediately trigged and he lurched forward while emptying out his stomach. Imagine if B-Joo walked in right now – or scratch that – if any member walked in right now to find you sitting in front of the toilet emptying yourself out. They would think you're so pathetic and they would probably kick you out of the group right then and there. Hansol though his stomach was emptied, but apparently not because he threw up even more at that thought.

When he was actually finished he flushed the toilet, unlocked the stall door, and walked over to the sinks. He washed out his mouth, trying to get rid of the horrible taste of vomit and washed his hands out of habit. When he walked back out and went back to the table, Xero looked up at him suspiciously, "You were gone for a pretty long time, are you alright?" Hansol nodded, not trusting his voice. Xero stared at him for a second longer before falling back into conversation with Sangdo and Jenissi. He must not care about you too much, or else he would've– Shut up!

Hey kittens! Thanks for reading this chapter! I really hate my author-self! lol. Remember, this story will have a happy ending! This chapter was 1661 words long! Not as long as the others, but it is long enough! Sorry for the wait! <3