Symptoms Of A Broken Heart

Chapter 5

Happy summer everyone! :) I'm awful at updating, my bad, but here's chapter 5, so yeah, here ya go!

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The boys left around 2 in the morning, after we had finished all the ice cream in my freezer. They mostly just tried to get my mind off of what happened, and it worked for the most part. I hadn't thought about Jake the whole two hours. All I could think about was the kiss with Eli. I still felt guilty, which I had no reason to, but I did. I didn't want to lead him on, but every time I tried to avoid that situation it happens, every time we were alone. 

The thing is, I wanted to kiss him again and again an again. I wanted to hold his hand and put my head on his shoulders, I wanted him to hold me and tell me everything about him and I just couldn't stop imagining that scenario in my head the whole night. 

When they were leaving for the night, Eli and I got a moment alone. We were standing on my porch, while Macy and Tom cleaned up the mess of ice cream sundaes we made in the kitchen. 

"I'm sorry." I said to him while we sat on my front steps staring up at the stars. All I wanted to do was join them, and not deal with all of the drama and problems.

"You have absoutely nothing to be sorry for, Ansley." He sounded like he meant it, but I still felt bad. 

"No, Eli. I am sorry. I feel like I'm leading you on, when I can't be in a relationship right now, not while all of this is happening. But I just, something came over me... I like you so much Eli, and it's a strange feeling because I don't think I've ever liked someone this much. But all I feel is guilt." He turned and looked at me with caring eyes. 

"I know you don't want to lead me on. And I know you feel like you're not ready, I don't want you to get into anything you're not ready for. I feel it too, Ansley, and I do believe we could really be great together. Only when you want to, though. Why do you feel guilty?" I felt like crying. Here in front of me was this amazing guy, who couldn't be more supporting and really liked me. No one, not even Jake, ever looked at me the way Eli had. 

I always though Jake was as good as it got, that what we had was love, even if he could be a major dick. I put up with his flaws because that was all I knew, he was all I knew. When we ended, all I could think was about how altered my life was going to be. I had everything warped around our relationship, that when it was over I felt so lost. But looking into Eli's eyes that night, I felt more than all I felt during Jake and I's relationship. I never knew that people like Eli even existed, it just never occurred to me. I felt guilty because even though I felt like I was over Jake, I shouldn't have been. I was upset, and hurt, but I wanted Eli more than I would ever want Jake.

"I don't know.. I feel so guilty because Jake and I were together for a whole year and I'm already moving on? Isn't there some designated amount of time before you even consider dating again?" Eli smiled a little, and I felt like I'd known that smile for longer than three days. 

"Ansley, there isn't a designated time for anything like that. You get over someone when you realize you don't want to be with them anymore, when you realize you don't care what they're doing, maybe even if you hope they're happy. You can't schedule love, it comes when you least expect it." 

I couldn't help but smile at that. 

Maybe he was right, maybe I shouldn't try and control everything, but even then, I was still hurting, and it was still too soon. So we left it at that, and said our goodbyes. 

Macy and I got back to my room, and immediately passed out on my floor, exhausted from the days affairs. 

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