Colours | g.d [COMPLETED]

Chapter 3: Loud places

F R I D A Y
I walk into school wearing one of my favourite outfits of all time. Mainly because today after school, I was going to the beach with my friends. I can almost feel like a normal teenager again. With friends, as if James was still here. So much has been happening that when I feel happy I almost feel guilty too. Because James isn't here and I am, living on without him.
But it's hard to smile without Grayson around.

He's such a funny, kind, amazing person all round and I know he's here for me. I haven't told him about James yet, I don't want them thinking of me differently. I don't want to see the pitty everyone else gives me.

Grayson's girlfriend, Emily told me Grayson and her have been dating for a year and she told me how much she loves him. Which hurts a bit, especially because I feel like I might like him a bit.
At the end of the day, as I walk to my locker, I feel someone hold my back. I turn around to see beautiful brown eyes, staring at me.
"Hey there," Grayson smiles and drags me away from my locker by my hands. He pulls me into a hug. Time slows down and my entire body feels like it's floating. Emily then walks behind Grayson and jumps on him. He turns around and laughs, kissing her on the nose.
I stand there awkwardly and I feel another pair of arms wrap around my waist, Nate.
I laugh as he lifts me up and turns me around.
"Friday!" He smiles and I smile back.

I tell the others I'll meet them at the beach after they decide to drive there. I don't want them to know. Its so weak that I can't manage to sit in a stupid car.

I end up at the beach an hour late as I see half of them lying down, while Grayson and Emily are walking further down.

I say hi to them all and sit down. Some of them look a bit worried.
"What's going on?" I ask Ethan
"Gray and Emily are going through a bit of a rough patch. Somethings happened. I don't really know all of it," Hazel says, looking down at the ground. I know she's lying. She probably knows every single part of it. But I understand.

I nod and ask anyone if they want to swim in the water. Thinking of it, I haven't been to the beach since James. I haven't really done anything since him.

Nate volunteers to go into the water with me so I take off my clothes and run into the water with my bathers on. Nate runs in after me, laughing. I keep running as far as I can until I duck under the water because of the bigass wave.

I'm laughing and smiling and I see the others come into the water. It feels so nice around me. I've always loved the beach. Before I know it, night hits and we're all around the fire Ethan decided to make. I sit there on a towel with Ethan next to me and listen to the conversation between all of them.
They begin talking about family and the past.
Emily faces me and asks why I moved here. Shit.
I'm surprised she hasn't found out about it from all the people talking.
"It's close to family," I say simply. My palms behind to shake and I can feel my body start to tense up. A panic attack.
She smirks and leans next to Grayson. I stare into the fire and everything starts to turn grey. It's a blur of nothingness yet everything surrounds me. I can hear the conversation continue but I'm not there. My heart begins to pump loudly and my hands feel all sweaty. I hear someone vaguely say "T? Are you ok?" I can't move though. The panic is too much to handle. I feel like I'm going to die. There are all these loud places.
I feel someone grab me and I freeze up even more. I can't control myself. I jolt again and fall onto the ground. James. James isn't here and it all comes back again. What is happening to me?
I hear a voice. Telling me to breathe. "Just breath T," and a warm body is against me. I grab onto whoever it is and feel their breath steady. Slow. Our breathing sinks but the pit in my stomach remains. It always will.
"James?" I ask
"No, Grayson" he says back and I begin to cry.
He keeps dying again and it's always harder.

I can't open my eyes. So I don't.

I hold on as tightly as I can to Grayson until it's a bit more bearable and my eyes open slowly. I see 3 worried people looking down at me. Emily just looks annoyed. I feel myself getting anxious again and I quickly let go of Grayson.
"Sorry, I didn't know it was you," I say quietly to him.
He sighs out of relief.
"No don't worry, I'm glad you're ok."
My insides collapse on themselves.
I sit up a bit and everyone's kneeling down around me.
"Grayson, I need to talk to you," says Emily.
Grayson nods and walks away with her, looking back at me while he does.
Nate and Hazel sit by me as Ethan goes to get some water.
"I'm sorry. I don't know why Emily said that," Hazel mumbles.
"You knew?" I ask
"We all did, but it was up to you to talk to us about it. Not for her to bring it up," Nate scoffs

A part of me is relieved. They haven't acted differently. This is what I need in my life.
All of us lie down and look up at the stars. I turn over to Nate and see him staring back at me. I smile a little and turn on my side.
After a while I fall asleep. It's so easy to on the beach. It feels like home.