MY FATE FOR YOURS

Chapter 31- EAMON

Eamon

"Go a little further down, dude!" Traive yells. "We're too close together."

I take a couple of big steps back away from him, but still facing him, which means my back will be to the train.

"Eamon! You can turn around and face the thing!" Traive yells.

"Not a chance, brother. I want to see your face when you punk out and bail before I do," I say. I take the last swig of my beer and toss the bottle off to the side of the tracks.

"You guys are so stupid, one of you is gonna wind up dead. And it better not be Eamon, he's too pretty for that," Leslie jokes.

The wind kicks up and sends a shower of dry leaves down from the trees.  I haven't heard the train yet, but the steel is already vibrating under my feet. The trick to this game is to keep my eyes on Traive. He always wimps out first, especially if I'm not facing the train. If my back is to it, he's going to dive to the side extra early to give me time to react. He thinks I'm braver, stupider even. Really, I just know how to read people, and I know there's no way Traive is going to let me stand on these tracks with my back to a train that's barreling down too close.

The train whistle blows. I take a quick glance over my shoulder and see it coming around the bend. There's a single spot light on the top and two on the front flashing. Might as well be daylight out here it's so damn bright with that thing coming at us. Traive rubs his palms down his jeans and crouches down. I just grin at him and kick the rocks at my feet.

The wheels on the joints click clack along. I twitch my middle finger together on my thumb. Watching Traive. His eyes are getting bigger. I'm sure Leslie is yelling, but I can't hear anything. Everything in my peripheral vision is black. The only thing I see is Traive. I'm just watching.

Click. Click. Click.

"Go!" Traive mouths the word that I can't hear. His face is panicked as he throws himself to the right and rolls away from the tracks. I don't move. Instead, I count to five. If I'm going to win this, I'm really going to win it.

The train whistle blows. Loud. So loud that I can feel it in me.

1.....2.....3....4.....5

I close my eyes.

And dive to the left.

I land hard on a pile of gravel, sticks and beer bottles--likely ones we tossed aside. I have to wait for the train to pass before I can cross the tracks back to Traive and Leslie. By the time it does, they are both running toward me.

"Dammit, Eamon!" Leslie yells, her face furious.

"Too close, dude! Too fucking close!" Traive says, charging me and knocking me back onto the gravel.

"Get off me, bro," I say as I shove him to the side.

"You're insane, you know that?" he says. He stands up and dusts himself off, and I do the same.  "And the crazy part is, you'll probably outlive us all."

"I'll drink to that," I say.

Traive shakes his head and tosses me another beer. "Yeah, you look like you could use it."

"Thanks." I unscrew the cap and take a long drink from the bottle. I don't think there are enough stunts or alcohol in Crawford to fully drown my sorrows in tonight. I wanted to do right by Rachel, I really did. But once again, the LeJeune curse had me fucking it all up-- Tobin lost his girl, now I've lost mine. I knew I had it figured. I knew I was doing the right thing. I shove the cap into my pocket and feel something else inside. I pull the strip of paper out, and it's that damn check.

Traive walks back toward Leslie who is sitting on a blanket back away from the tracks in her usual spot. My usual spot is a little further down, just before the curve of the tracks. It's where I sit on the tailgate of my truck and...

The coins.

I sip the warm beer as I walk toward the spot that Rachel and I tossed all of those coins. I need to know. I need to know if any were crushed like I feel like I've crushed her heart. I close my eyes tightly as I walk over to the spot where I know there has to be a week's pay in change on the tracks. I close my eyes hoping that when I open them, that at least one coin is flat—the sign of good luck. If I can find one, I will run my ass right back to Rachel's house to tell her how fucking wrong I was about everything.

That I was an asshole. A coward. That I love her. My mind is spinning a hundred miles an hour, remembering every single touch, every hidden glance we gave each other, every feeling I was too scared to voice. She may not even accept my apology, but I would rather feel this ache inside of me--this bone crushing pain than feel nothing at all. I don't give a shit if every person in town talks. I'll prove them all wrong. I can do better. I will do better. For Rachel.

I crack my eyes open and there are two perfectly flat coins. Side-by-side. I reach for them as everything around me fades into the background. Not important. No darkness. No light. No Traive or Leslie or anything.

I love her. She's right I don't need stunts or dares. She's the only thing I need in this life. Of course I love her. And it doesn't feel insane or scary, it just feels right. Perfectly right. Destined.

I rub my fingers over the cool, smooth coins. "I love you, Rachel," I say out loud, even though there's no one around. "I'll love you till the day I die. I'm so damn sorry it took me so lo--"