Nicholas Grey Must Not Die | ✓

2 | Everything

Nicholas followed suit, sitting too close to my liking. His patchouli scent filled my senses, almost pushing me over the edge of my sanity, which, by the way, was only hanging by a thread at this point. Then he caught my eyes, his light brown eyes as beautiful as ever in the moonlight. "I haven't seen you in so long," he commented, his deep voice laced with sentimentality. 

My reaction was immediate. The bitter words slipped out before my mind could think them over to consent. "And who's fault is that?"

Shock invaded the sincerity in his eyes. "What are you trying to say?"

My shoulders fell in remorse for the best friend I lost. I gave him a sad smile. "Nothing, Nicholas. Nothing."

He studied me for a second, still trying to decipher what I meant. Eventually, he retired and offered me a rich smile. "So, when did you come back?"

"About a few weeks ago." My tone was empty of emotion; I didn't know how to react to his questions and to him without losing my mind before him. I needed to be apathetic. 

His head moved away slightly, surely taken aback. "A few weeks? I didn't know."

I sighed. "You never asked."

He stared at me woefully for a moment but eventually whisked the emotion away from my sight. "Are you making friends, at least?"

I let out a faint chuckle. "I don't make friends, Nicholas, not anymore."

For the third time today, he was staring at me with shock, utterly confused as to what I was talking about. "Why not?"

"Because everyone eventually leaves."

He recoiled. "Come on, Iris," he argued vehemently, "not everyone leaves."

My voice broke as I said, "you left."

The loud breath he exhaled showed that I'd caught him off guard. "You know I didn't mean to hurt you."

Tears welled in my eyes before him at his words. "How was I supposed to know anything? You wouldn't even look my way, let alone talk to me. I'm beyond surprised you're even talking to me right now instead of trying to screw anything female that moves."

"Iris," he breathed, sorrow overtaking his tone. 

I shook my head. The words kept tumbling out. I couldn't stop now that I have started what I've wanted to do for years. "You left me alone, Nick. You were all I had outside of my parents. You meant everything to me and I thought you considered me as someone important in your life. I never imagined that I was disposable to you."

He scooted closer to where I sat, taking my hands in his. A sharp pain shot through my heart at the contact. His hands were rough, but they were also warm and inviting; they felt safe. "I never meant to hurt you, Iris. I know I still made the decision to leave you, but I promise you, it was something I had to do."

I ripped my hands from his, anger boiling in my blood. "What does that even mean?"

He sighed, intertwining his hands after my rejection. "It means that you were not disposable to me."

In confusion, I looked back up into his eyes. "Then why leave me?"

At the same time, in my peripheral vision, I could see Daisey coming out of the house with two drinks in hand. She strutted towards us with a seductive smile and I knew immediately that the girls were ready. 

I shook my head to clear my thoughts and wiped my tears away before Nicholas could muster up an answer to my sensitive question. "You know what, it doesn't even matter anymore. There's someone here for you."

He turned to catch Daisey heading our way. He groaned in response and looked back at me apologetically. "I'm sorry. We can go somewhere else and finish this," he offered. He seemed genuine as if he'd much prefer to go somewhere else to finish our much-needed conversation. 

"No, you should talk to her," I said, getting up. I couldn't wreck the plan. Plus, I wasn't sure if I even wanted to have this conversation with him. He left me alone for years; I couldn't invite him back in this easily, perhaps at all. 

Before I could go far, though, his hand reached out to stop me. I turned to question him, but he beat me to it. "I'd love it if we could meet tomorrow. I want to explain everything to you. It's been too long and it's enough. We need to talk."

"I don't think-" I started.

"Please?" He was pleading with me through his eyes, giving me that angelic look I could never turn down.

As Daisey came closer and closer, my lips undermined my brain for the second time today and the words slipped out without permission. "Fine, I'll come by your house at noon."

He beamed, a great deal of optimism shining in his eyes. "I'll be waiting for you."

I gave him a heavy sigh before turning to walk away because I realized then and there that I still missed him. I still wanted him. In so many old and new ways, I still wanted him. He could easily become my everything again and that scared the daylights out of me. He still had so much power over my heart, a power I wanted to keep to myself, a power I never wanted to give to any man ever again, especially him. But I could already feel myself slipping and I didn't like it. I needed to take a cold shower as soon as I get home and slap some sense into myself. He made the decision to leave. He has no reason to come back. I have no good reason to allow his return. 

As I passed Daisey, she mouthed "Thank you" to me with a nebulous look visible in her features. I gave her a small smile and walked back into the house and out the front door, leaving the party. 

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